QUALIFICATIONS
 

•Prior experience in the administration and/or moderation of an online message board

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what's that?

job posting on bioware's website

i'm applying

i'm going to pretend i was a moderator for a now defunct smashing pumpkins fansite

i don't want them to do research and find out my idea of moderation means "flaming wack dudes"

you are just what they're looking for.

and then i'll drop my 700 page epic game idea on em once they realize i'm a genius

NO DEBS

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE JOY I FEEL TO SIT IN A BOX ALL DAY

god damn it these people

i personally require my employer to be able to proof read job advertisments.

IT ASSISTANT













































We are a well established preschool seeking an infant/toddler assistant to join a well established team.


LOOK GUYS I DUNNO IF YOU HEARD OF THESE THINGS CALLED FUCKING COMPUTERS

"no previous experience require"

looks like monty wrote this.

Monte would be perfect for that job.

Paralegal needed for 15 to 21 hours per week. Must be available to work 3-days per week (e.g. 5 to 7 hours per day). Flexible schedule. Salary is $15 to $18 per hour, depending upon experience. Skills required ******* proficiency in Microsoft Word, excellent organizational skills, ability to prioritize between multiple projects and work with deadlines, excellent written and verbal skills. Must be able to handle inbound, and outbound, client calls. Experience with Microsoft Excel and Access a plus, but not required. Bilingual Spanish a plus, but not required. The paralegal is responsible for drafting standardized documents and pleadings, scheduling court hearings, and assisting client inquiries.

The law firm: This is one-attorney real estate and property tax firm. The firm typically has about 40-clients at any one time. The attorney works out of a home office, but the law offices are located in a separate building on the property. The attorney's wife also works in the law firm. Clients do not visit the law office.

General: Non-smoker. Must like dogs.

^ i can lie about the smoking part (would be good for me not to smoke at work anyway), this sounds swell. I could do this part time and maybe get my "cool job" working at I <3 Video or a record store or w/e

btw i quit my old job because it was BALLS

are you already growing a 'fuck them' beard?

well i had one most of the time i worked there because they would make me shave to meet with clients

even though my beard is nice and trimmed and they were from dallas the owner had this protomagnon military panhandle mentality and i fucking hated the shit out of that bullshit

takes me a month to grow a decent beard and they'd be like OMG CLIENT COMING SHAVE PLZ

and i'm like

guys she's from fucking dallas, really? do you think this is necessary? COMPANY POLICY ROBOT BEEP BEEP BEEP DON'T THINK, DO

i just don't get what people got against trimmed beards.
as long as you don't look like you just crawled out of a crack alley its all good.

i can understand if i'm going to bumfuck, tx to talk to some shit head conservative superintendent but a clerk from dallas isn't going to care about a well trimmed beard

honestly i think i look more like an ass without one

besides having some guy shave his beard and showing up all pale as fuck with beard zits on his cheek is much worse than just having the guy trim his beard and look respectable

eh whatever i could deal with that at the end of the day

but what i couldn't deal with was the hyper critical pair of idiots that wouldn't leave me the fuck alone

she told me in my performance review just before i decided to quit that i should be more confident about my answers because i know them and i straight up told her "maybe i would be if you didn't constantly correct me with incorrect or outdated information to the point where I'm not sure what color red is anymore."

these are also the type of idiots that would have lengthy conversations with their co-workers and play word games on their ipods right in front of me and then send e-mails if they saw me looking at pitchfork or if i was taking too many restroom breaks

the main management was of course sequestered in their personal office spaces with windows removed from the general cattiness of the main office so they were like YOU'RE DOING GREAT! while these bitches are sending e-mails about what a fuck i am all the time.

i was just at a job interview in Intel.
the guy just sat there for like the first 10 minutes and gave me a speech about how INTEL HAS A PROCEDURE FOR EVERYTHING and how it is ever so important that YOU FOLLOW PROCEDURES.
like, if you come down the fucking stairs and you don't hold the safety rail they'll fuck you up

argh that's getting out of hand

i'm not even shaving or dressing up for my office job

my boss gave me a talking to about how i "look too young"

she acted all serious and shit, too. like it was my fault that I was 23.

^ are you serious?
what'd she want you to do about it?

yo, bro. that looks like a scam.

it's a trap

i wonder where he meets with clients

probably not in the murder pit or the torture grotto... not sure what those are for. funny names for basement rooms, right? people could get the wrong idea. his wife seems nice