I care because you do.
http://www.aphextwin.nu/images/cover...use_you_do.jpg
Actually I just want him to like me. That's the real reason. I want him to think about me when he can't sleep at night. I want him to add me to his myspace and his facebook and send me comments on a weekly basis. i just wanted him to like me. really, i wanted him to help me get past this stuff. to get past all the self-hatred and shit. but i know that i have to do that alone. because that would just be using him to make me feel better about myself. and i don't want that in a relationship. especially with him. i really did think we were getting closer, though. closer than i've let a lot of people get. and i really think he's just scared. and that's okay.
katie's here from ohio. it's nice to have her here. especially with the nice weather. i really do have a lot of support in my life. a lot of people that do care about me.
I just wanted him to like me for a little bit longer.
“I’m a Seventh-day Adventist kind”.
“Oh, your the ones that eat good”.
“We try to” was all that came out.
The older guy was Catholic. Very Catholic. so there I was - a Seventh-day Adventist Pastor, sitting next to a very Catholic person, opposite a Pennsylvanian dutch gentleman, across from someone who had no problem telling me the BIble was bogus and made up - a conclusion he came to after he had read it many times in various forms. He knew all about Josephus and started quoting in Aramaic. All I could think about was the hat and the unwashed hair sticking out from it.
Then it happened. All of us, convinced of our beliefs (or lack of them) dug our heels in. “Religion is all lies”. “There is definitely a God, his Son, and his Mother”. “The trouble is we think we know it all, but we just go along with whatever we have been told” - that was me. The Pennsylvanian Dutch guy just smiled a lot.
No one got converted. No one even changed their mind - not even a little I think. It got a little uncomfortable in places. But we did all get to common ground. “We came from somewhere” we said. “After that, it is just speculation”. We all agreed - kind of. The Catholic guy said, “the Bible told us where we came from” - but his priest did not encourage the reading of the Bible - the cap guy said, “see! I told you it was all brain washing!” I said we are only just beginning to understand the Bible and what it might be saying about where we are going to.
Cap guy joined the Pennsylvanian dutch guy in smiling. Catholic guy kinda kept talking. And we all went back to our assigned seats.
This time tomorrow I’ll be getting ready to stand up in front of a bunch of young Adventists, at an event around the theme of witness. It’ll all be theory there - but out on the road, or here on the train, 4 strangers just got to sit down and talk about where we came from.
i've had these bad things happen in my life. but i've had good things happen as well. and i always let the bad overshadow the good. i've always let someone, ususally myself, make me feel bad about who i am. and i need to start feeling good about who i am. because i know in my heart that i am a good person. and i have a lot of love to give. i used to think that i was empty inside. that i didn't have any love inside me. but i do. it's just hidden waaaaaay in the back behind a lot of stuff. and it's time to do some spring cleaning. time to throw out all the old shit i don't want anymore to make room for the new stuff.
because i know that only then will i be able to slow down and enjoy truly enjoy myself. i've weathered the storms before. i've been the storms before. but i've stood in the rain long enough.
