| bonsor |
03-16-2002 11:21 PM |
Quote:
Originally posted by Julian, Porn CONNOISSEUR:
what germ? wheat germ. what the fuck is it?
okay, so i'm not one to usually knock food products. i like my food, and i LOVE brand names. nutella, being one of my favorite little jarred oddity.
but i've had this thing burning inside of me, since i can remember. my dad used to stock our shelves sometimes after a huge shopping trip at the army PX. now, he would usually get my usual favorites, such as salted meat, smoked baby clams and vienna sausages. but every 5 years or so, he would buy a massive jar of wheat germ. a mystery to me, i never knew what it was used for. growing up a mormon, i thought it might be part of some ritualistic prayer, and the recipient rolled around in wheat germ. or maybe it was put on their head.
i asked my dad this question, numerous times, as a hungry, frustrated teenager looking for food. when everything else in the house ran out, we always had the old standbys; wheat germ and yogurt. i say bullshit, dad. we all know you were in the army, and that did something to your head.
i know you are saying right now "but, noyen, wheat germ DOES have it's uses. just because you don't use it, doesnt mean some third world culture doesn't use it in their cuisine". i did a little research this time, and i came up with a few "selling points" for wheat germ.
"It's more versatile than ever before. It's a good source of six vitamins and minerals necessary for a healthy diet.
You can bake with it, top with it, or cook with it to add a healthy crunch to virtually any recipe. Find it in the cereal aisle, then get a taste of this all-around food enhancer by trying these recipes."
you know what i say to that? FUCK YOU! if i want to add crunch to my chicken, guess what i'm going to use? CRACKERS. or BREAD CRUMBS. FUCK YOU WHEAT GERM.
i've tried it in yogurt, i've tried to think what it could be used for other than some sort of rat poison. WHEAT GERM IS USELESS. take it off my shelves! i don't believe that wheat germ is a viable source of ANYTHING until it is used as the themed ingredent on IRON CHEF.
i propose a new labelling system, that every jar of wheat germ have the following warning:
"Folic acid has been proven to play a vital role in creating certain birth defects. This is why the FDA proposes you use this product to the fullest extent possible! USE IT ON EVERY FOOD! The FDA has a long stance on promoting birth defects, and Wheat Germ is the official food of the FDA. In order to ensure the U.S. wins the Olympics, we are sending "EMERGENCY PACKETS" of Wheat Germ to countries competing in the Olypmics! It's most effective in the first three weeks of pregnancy - well before most women know they are pregnant. If you're a woman of childbearing age, and are not a citizen of the United States, consider boosting the amount of folic acid in your diet just to be sure: in the past, most women have not met their recommended daily value of folic acid. Our packaging in non-U.S. markets reads as the following: "Wheat germ is the source of many other essential vitamins and minerals, including Vitamin E and other antioxidants, which may reduce the risk of heart disease." HAHA! Of course we know this is bullshit. To abide by other U.S. laws, we are required to make Wheat Germ available to U.S. residents, so please disregaurd this message, and buy a bottle for your foreign friend today!
Wheat germ adds a delicious taste and crunch to virtually any recipe, and it's an easy way to add the benefit of advanced birth defects. Wheat germ can also replace up to 1/2 cup of the flour in recipes for muffins, breads, pancakes, and many other baked goods, making it even easier to ******* this in every possible ethnic meal!
|
Fucking brilliant. Julian strikes again.
|
