my writing career is underway
 

i just submitted some of my stories about being in an alternative school to mcsweeneys
i decided to try these since in the thread i posted them all in thrillho was lolling at them and demanding i post more and ravenguy said they reminded him of sedaris
if any of them make it on the site i'll stick with writing
maybe take some creative writing courses at community college to develop my talents further you know
if i am rejected, which is what im expecting within the next two days, i'm going to give up on ever doing anything more than low-paying office bullshit, so this is kind of a big thing

we should exchange manuscripts sometime

post them

like that's gonna happen

Good luck. Do you take any recreational drugs?

i'm writing a children's novel

i decided i'm too dumb/unskilled to write a good adult novel

do what im doing
write a humor book

i posted them on the board years ago, doofus
did you read what i posted up there?
youre not picking up what im putting down here

i read it too quick, now i see it...sorry

Good luck, man.

you're sucking up too much, rich

I'm glad that the premier humor literature magazine is called McSweeney's.

edit: whops, i didnt know who "rich" meant for some reason

whatever, you all blow

i'm concerned that its not protocol to submit multiple stories at once

writersmarket.com and writersdigest.com are legit ways to get stuff out there btw

also the titles of the stories arent very good
titles are my biggest problem

Everyone Thought it Was So Cool That I Had an MP3 Player

I Had to Star In an Anti-Weed Video

My Science Teacher Bought Me a Copy of Its Only Right and Natural by The Frogs

and so on

they're not bad, but arent attention-grabbers either

keep in mind that i sent them to the ultra-self aware and ironic mcsweeneys

here are examples of mcsweeneys article titles:

I'm Starting to Suspect That a Dungeons and Dragons Player Named "Elgdorf the Mage" Is Abusing His Wikipedia Editorial Privileges

Perhaps I Should Stop Naming the Protagonists in My Semi-Autobiographical Fiction After Myself

Yahoo's MAILER-DAEMON Automated Reply for Failed E-mail Delivery Is Getting a Little Too Intimate

this from a book i wrote called junkie.

shakespeare's last dance

grave sites filled with apple cider,
pockets filled with pickles.
the dead know only one thing- it's better to be alive,
but the keebler elf made me do it anyway.

im bleeding tomato sauce out my nose,
naked, like sex with you,
but for now my hand will have to do.
got trashed by a tree,
who's me?

blue playdough pudding, cats and chopsticks,
food for a king while dead men sing.
i hate yellow thumbs and black teeth.
i am very still riding through the alcohol circus.




that's courtesy of an obscene amount of acid and a 4 foot bong.

i feel like i already know your writing style from those titles. its not really to my taste

those are pretty amazing

I like the first one.

Postcards from "The Edge"

im not sure what to call this one


ffs4ver: hey good game 2nite
Im Not OK: what the fuck are you talking about?
ffs4ver: u played againsy me
Im Not OK: bullshit
ffs4ver: wtf u bitch
Im Not OK: rectal itch
ffs4ver: o ya rite I'm a bitch u whore
Im Not OK: can i stick my finger up your ass?
ffs4ver: umm hell no

how about "I'm Not Gay but I Just Masturbated to a .jpg of That Guy in The Human League"

Social Security Denies Gregor Samsa's Disability Claim

David Caruso Scolds His Cat About Its Lackadaisical Litter-Box Use

Lady Macbeth on Ambien

Conversations I've Had During a Normal Day in Los Angeles, Modified to include the Shocking Depiction of Racism Found in Paul Haggis's 2005 Film Crash

Matthew Barney and Björk Place an Ikea Phone Order

Sean you are such a liar. Who did you submit them to? Your trash can? Oh, I bet it was one of those big writing contest sites like poetry.com where everyone is a winner.

you know it from my posts
theyre basically blog entries

mcsweeney's
i said it twice in this thread you idiot

I love it when people make snap judgements on a person's writing style based on titles of stories that someone else wrote.

oh i didn't read it. uhhh good luck?

Sammiches really is a huge bitch.

i only did it to get a rejection letter to psot on here

dude that is so not PC

You changed my post to sneaky.

uh i posted the titles of my own also

i wish i hadnt done that thing where i deleted all my posts when i had access to masons admin name

there might have been some good ones i forgot about, you know what i mean?
all i did was copy some old posts and slap titles on them
its pretty efficient

Well even if you did post your own titles, it's kind of retarded to judge a whole essay on the title. I mean I guess that's what you do when you're a 15 year old hipster.

WTF