unwritten rules of cooking
 

maybe you people can give me some tips

you know like if you can smell the brownies then theyve been in too long

or when you throw the spaghetti noodle against the wall and it sticks

im trying to get a posting marathon going but i dont think anybody is here

putting feces in the food you're cooking rarely improves the taste.

Recipes are just suggestions. Except for in baking.

what? untrue

timing has to be precise when microwaving lean pockets and ramen. one second too much with a lean pocket will turn the cheese/sauce too crusty; the ramen noodles too soft

do you want to know how to make your house/apartment smell really nice? Heat up one of your stove burners until they are red hot, and then drop some cinnamon on it! It makes cool sparks and ALSO smells amazing!

its like a little fireworks show, but it's harmless.

it is never a good idea to cook bacon on High.

hey randall did they have hot pockets at your high school cafeteria

also if you want to make a homemade egg mcmuffin, to get the egg like it is in the sandwiches, put it in the microwave for 1 minute. well, one minute per egg. IF you put it in a bowl it'll get that round shape, too.

who the hell does stuff like that?

Wouldn't that fuck up the burner? I just simmer cinnamon in water.

what the fuck

Sear chicken on the skin side first.

use more butter.

nah i dont recall my high school ever having anything as good as hot pockets. that would've been nice

i hear at some cy-fair district schools there's a McDonalds. though that might be an urban myth or something

or just go to the 99 cent store and but a cinnamon scented candle.

covering your hands in lard will make them more slippery

apples and pork go together very, very, well indeed ... always throw some in with the roast pork

coca-cola or any cola for that matter makes a good, tenderizing marinade for tougher cuts of pork eg. chops

is that lds?

roasting vegetables sprayed with a little olive oil and sprikled with a coarse grain salt is the way to go

i almost always throw rosemary in with my roast veg

sometimes i prefer thyme if it's to accompany chicken

Cook noodles in salty water then put butter or olive oil on them while they're straining.

doesn't that just make the greasy? I usually just take the noodles out of the hot pot, strain them, but them right back into the pot while it's still hot and throw the sauce on it immediately. It keeps the noodles seperated and warm.

cooking is like poetry. sometimes it's good if the ingredients rhyme. and you should aim to tell a story with your food, or offer some kind of commentary. i make omelettes that critique late capitalism. delicious and thought-provoking.

even your omelettes are pretentious