im blocking my dads email address
 

i don't know why i ever gave it to him anyway...i should of gave him a yahoo account or something, but today when i opened my gmail i had 51 forwarded emails from him. i can't believe he spammed me with all that junk. Fucking jerk!

your dad is my hero

whata dick

i mean wtf! this shit is awful!

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!

"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!

"Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

"It was Mummy Bear who go up first.

"It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up.

"It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.

"It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper.

"It was Mummy Bear who set the table.

"It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish.

"And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence.... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time.......I haven't made the @#*% porridge yet!!"

You know she didn't really have to go outside in the cold if she didn't want to.

:rofl: at the fact that your dad forwarded that to you. :cool:

Post some of them.

e\ Duh.

What is this... "My first e-mail address"

Tennessee Ten Commandments

Some people in Tennessee have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms.

So, some folks in middle Tennessee got together and translated the "King James" into "Jackson County" language,.... no joke, read on...

The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro, TN.)

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma &Pa.
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' aroun d with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin.'
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.

My dad sends me emails in capslocks that are completely unreadable. HIGIRL I WANTED TO SAY HI SO HI HOW RU I AM GOOD MY NEE HERTS. It's painful to see his name in my inbox. He then writes back about 20 minutes later to cuss me out for not responding quickly enough. :noway:

My dad isn't down with using computers yet. My grandfather is, but he only sends my mom emails. He usually sends her links to things that bash the president... he's so cool. He has a motorcycle too, but he doesn't ride it anymore.

THERE ARE SOME BENEFITS TO BEING A BLONDE!
>
>
>
> Morning Love Making-
>
>
>
> Tyrone asked his work buddy, Robert, one morning,
> "Man, why you always so
> damn happy when you come to work every day?" Robert
> replied, "That's because
> I make love to my wife every morning before work."
>
>
>
> Amazed, Tyrone asked him how he gets his wife to
> make love to him every
> morning. "That's easy," Robert said. "I just tell
> her this little poem that
> I made up. She loves it! It goes like this: Blond
> hair, blond hair, eyes so
> blue. I love waking up and making love to you!"
> Tyrone said, "Man, you
> white guys are so damn sentimental."
>
>
>
> But he decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. So
> he spent the rest of
> the day thinking of a poem for his wife.
>
>
>
> The next day Tyrone showed up to work just beat to
> hell; bruised eyes,
> broken
>
> nose, fat lip, the works!!! Robert asked, "Man,
> what happened to you?!"
>
> Tyrone said, "I don't know, man. I went home and
> tried your advice.
>
> I just told her a poem."
>
>
>
> Well, what poem did you tell her?
>
>
>
> Tyrone said: "Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a
> frog. If I could roll
> your
>
> fat ass over, I'd hump you like a dog!"

Get your Dad to register at :netphoria

> How ironic is this??!! They don't even believe in Christ and
>they're getting their own Christmas stamp, but don't dream of posting the
>ten commandments on federal property?
>
> USPS New Stamp
>
> This one is impossible to believe. Scroll down for the text.
>
> If there is only one thing you forward today.....let it
>
> be this!
>
> ðäÆ
>
> REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of PanAm
>
> Flight 103!
>
> REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World
>
> Trade Center in 1993!
>
> REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine
>
> barracks in Lebanon!
>
> REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military
>
> barracks in Saudi Arabia!
>
> REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American
>
> Embassies in Africa!
>
> REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the USS COLE!
>
> REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on 9/11/2001!
>
> REMEMBER all the AMERICAN lives that were lost in those vicious
>MUSLIM attacks!
>
> Now the United States Postal Service REMEMBERS and HONORS the
>
> EID MUSLIM holiday season with a commemorative first class
>
> holiday postage stamp.
>
> REMEMBER to adamantly and vocally BOYCOTT this stamp
>
> when purchasing your stamps at the post office.
>
> To use this stamp would be a slap in the face to all those
>
> AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors.
>
> REMEMBER to pass this along to every patriotic AMERICAN you know

Lol@tyrone.

"A Woman"

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book
where all of the sayings and preaching of
Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says: "Be very careful if you make a woman
cry, because God counts her tears. The woman
came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be
walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but
from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be
protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

Pass this on to all exceptional women that you know..
and to men so they know the value of a woman.

xDuring one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after
dinner."
The teacher fainted

:rofl:

haha. My mother-in-law does the same thing. She always sends out forwards to the entire family with attached images of like, a bear cuddling with a bunny rabbit. Or a frog with a funny look on his face. They're not so annoying, though; I kind of like it.

One day, a man went to visit a church..

He got there early, parked his car, and got out.

Another car pulled up and the driver got

out and said,"I always park there!

You took my place!" The visitor went inside for

Sunday School, found an empty seat and sat down.

A young lady from the church

approached him and stated,

"That's my seat! You took my place!"

The visitor was somewhat distressed

by this rude welcome, but said nothing.

After Sunday School, the visitor went

into the sanctuary and sat down.

Another member walked up to him and said,

"That's where I always sit! You took my place!"

The visitor was even more troubled by this

treatment, but still He said nothing.

Later as the congregation was praying

for Christ to dwell among them,

the visitor stood up, and his appearance began to change.

Horrible scars became visible on

his hands and on his sandaled feet.

Someone from the congregation

noticed him and called out, "What happened to you?"

The visitor replied, as his hat

became a crown of thorns, and a tear fell from his eye,

"I took your place."

my grampa sent me this one
 

Old Love

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.

He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."

stop posting fucking forwards I get enough from my father as well

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they
were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was:

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarter back!'

I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

your father reminds me of my father

this is my thread, bitch!