"Well Seymour, I made it, despite your directions."
 

Seymour Skinner: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
[Chalmers enters and puts a bottle of wine on the table. Skinner walks into the kitchen to see smoke billowing from the oven. He opens the oven, and the roast bursts into flames.]
Seymour Skinner: Oh, yegods, my roast is ruined!
[Skinner looks out the kitchen window at the Krusty Burger across the street.]
Seymour Skinner: But what if ... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho ho ho ho ... delightfully devlish, Seymour.
[Skinner begins to climb out the window but stops when Chalmers enters the kitchen.]
Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour!
Seymour Skinner: Superintendent, I was just ... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
Superintendent Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
Seymour Skinner: Oh, that isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmmm, steamed clams.
[Skinner runs aross the street to Krusty Burger, and returns to the dining room with a tray of hamburgers.]
Seymour Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.
Superintendent Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Seymour Skinner: Oh, no, I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.
Superintendent Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
Seymour Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Superintendent Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?
Seymour Skinner: Uhh ... Upstate New York.
Superintendent Chalmers: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'
Seymour Skinner: Oh, not in Utica. No, it's an Albany expression.
Superintendent Chalmers: I see.
[Chalmers bites into a steamed ham.]
Superintendent Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Seymour Skinner: Oh ho ho, no. Patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
Superintendent Chalmers: For steamed hams ...
Seymour Skinner: Yes ...
Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
Seymour Skinner: You know I— One thing I sh— Excuse me for one second.
[Skinner walks into the kitchen and returns to the dining room.]
Seymour Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, I should be— Good lord, what is happening in there?
Seymour Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Superintendent Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Seymour Skinner: Yes.
Superintendent Chalmers: May I see it?
Seymour Skinner: No
Agnes Skinner: Seymour, the house is on fire!
Seymour Skinner: No, Mother. It's just the Northern Lights.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham.

steam a good ham. :)

Electronic Smokey Bear: Only who can prevent forest fires?
(Bart presses "You")
Electronic Smokey Bear: "You have pressed "You", referring to me. That is wrong. The correct answer is "You".

Haha.

Post more!

ANTHONY KEDIS: I thought you said this venue would hold 40,000 people.
MOE: I had forty thousand here last night. Now get up there and play.
BARNEY: WE WANT CHILI WILLIES!
BART: Hey would you guys play at the Krusty Comeback Special?
FLEA: Sure kid, if you can get us out of this gig.
BART: No problemo. Hey Moe? What's that over there?
MOE: What? On the wall? I don't see nothin. Wait, is that it? I'm gonna stop looking soon.
(Bart smuggles the Red Hot Chili Peppers out of the door)
HOMER (enters): Hey Moe, whatcha doin?
MOE: Looking at the wall.
HOMER: Can I look too?
MOE: Sure but it'll cost you.
HOMER: My wallet is in the car!
MOE: He's so stupid. And now back to the wall.

This thread was far better than I expected when I clicked on it.

I really want to go to an RHCP show and start chanting WE WANT CHILI WILLIES during the encore. I wonder if I could get the whole stadium doing it.

"He's so stupid. And now back to the wall." is probably the greatest Moe line ever.

this is the first simpsons clip youtube came up with. Terrible and crappy episode, but it has the "I'm dying, Moe." line (then walks into the lake) bit which is probably up there with my top ten Moe moments on The Simpsons.

for longtime / hardcore simpsons fans, this clip is fairly trippy:

weird

SOMEONE GET THE JAWS OF LIFE (?)

oh my god that was so funny
when that guy did dr. hibbert for the first time i was completely unprepared, i just started laughing like a retard

that was fucking excellent.

how is that moe-themed pub-uni (or whatever it was called) episode "Terrible and crappy". especially compared to what they're putting out now

See seasons 3-8 for further information.

Well, aside from the words "Musical Guest REM", later season are much better now. Mainly because "Homer the Moe" is from when Mike Scully was running the Simpsons (before Al Jean came back), and Scully's episodes for the season he ran it are generally fucking terrible . . . aside from "Behind the Laughter" which is a work genius, and I have no clue how they got that one out under his run.

found the full Conan interview with Harry Shearer & Dan Castellaneta. didn't want to post the vid again cause it'd be kind of an eyesore, but here's the link anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ejpc7...earch=simpsons

I've been watching the Simpsons since I was 5 and the newer episodes are just washed up and recycled jokes. I prefer all episodes up to about 2002.

They cut off the funniest line.

You didn't say how it was terrible, you only said that in general that range of episodes were terrible. With no jusitification I might add.

Nonsensical storylines seems to be what most people complain about - I mean, the Simpsons barely makes sense anyway, but there's one episode where they're standing in the living room at the end, and then all of a sudden they're surfing? WTF?

did you not see the phrase "Musical guest REM" in the original post, or did you simply forget?

I forgot.

Superintendent Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Seymour Skinner: Yes.

this is awesome

Agnes Skinner: HEEEEELP! HEEEEELP!

The first time I saw this It sent me into a giggle fit for the entire day.