plz stop using phones so that you can see the big picture
 

i try telling people.

i've gotten to the point of just clapping at or snapping at shitheads who get too close to me cause they're walking aimlessly looking down at their phones. all it does it startle them, they move, and they keep doing what they're doing.

i took off my headphones at whole foods this week and asked a girl if she wanted to listen to my music. she gave me weird look and said Nooooo? so i said, "didn't think so. and i don't want to hear your conversation over my music.'

she was seriously talking on speaker phone while i was getting bulk pumpkin seeds. wtf.

Oh so they’re the shitheads in this scenario. Interesting.

yes, for acting like kings and queens assuming everyone needs to move from their meandering path while they remain oblivious. that shouldn't be suddenly expected or tolerated regardless of how many people have phones.

i should carry a whistle.

If a shithead got too close to me cause they're walking aimlessly looking down at their phones I would simply mace them

right?! i mean, who wants to have a full-body collision with someone who is walking full-speed and headed right towards them!? the mace is pretty violent though...might be kids around.

sounds like you need a whistle.

A crucial part of the story, no doubt.

I don't really see the point in engaging with or trying to enlighten those sorts of people. You'll never make them change their ways and they'll just walk away thinking you're the jerk, not them.

Best to just roll your eyes and move on. Your blood pressure will thank you later.

What I don't get is the people who put their call on speaker and then speak into the phone by holding it up to their mouth, with the phone facing up and parallel to the ground

It's so unintuitive a way to hold and operate a fucking phone, but so many people do it

Like this dummy who's clearly never even seen a landline phone in her misbegotten life

It's funny how we're universally annoyed by public uses of speakerphone, though the only difference between this and a regular public phonecall is that we hear the other half of it.

Heck, what if it was two people having a conversation at the Bulk Barn?

hmm yeah what if...

anyway, i've said something to people having "regular public phonecalls" on the bus. they should never be regular, dude. i'll just say something like 'can you have your private conversations in private?' and that usually does the trick.

I also hate that thing that's popular now of people not using their handsets for phone calls.

Holding your phone to your face is the universal symbol of "I'm on the phone." When people just walk around taking to the air, it gives me anxiety because I don't immediately know if they are trying to talk to me or not.

It also doesn't take that much extra effort to use the handset instead of the earphone mic. You literally have to raise your hand.

I don't get it. The users of Bluetooth earpieces were roundly ridiculed when those were a thing. But using the earphones is essentially the exact same shit, and yet it's accepted and even the norm.

heck, what if they don't have hands to raise?

Amputees and quadriplegics are obviously exempt.

Provided they hand me the appropriate medical documentation.

hand you the documentation? que insensitive.

THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!!!

This is the embodiment of all that I hate.

Someone in my office does this shit sometimes. Put the damn phone to your ear and get off of speaker phone. YOUR HANDS ARE NOT FULL. THEY ARE EMPTY. LIKE YOUR BRAIN. FUCK. THIS IS CAINE WALKER. FUCK. ASS.

i've actually been having to put my boy on speakerphone recently since my iphone is oddly fucked & doesn't shut the screen off when i answer "facecalls" i.e., my cheek will routinely hit the mute button which, as you can imagine, leads to a whole slew of hijinks & whowouldathoughts!

itt Mals calls boys

Have you been yelled at at the Bulk Barn yet?

My phone sex boy prefers FaceTiming me so I can make sure his little twink ass gets properly punished.

Incidentally, "FaceTime" is also your code name for punishment.

psh, bulk barn

i go the the most cavernous of caverns to answer my calls, thank you very much

The Bulk Barn is my second favorite gentleman's club.

Ever been to BuffDaddy.com? Great car care products.