how to not die inside from depression?
 

hi sorry to kill the vibez but i'm fucking up everything in life right now

there are two things i love more than anything - playing drums and baseball.

i have like 6 songs to learn for a band and i can't even bring myself to practice them enough to be the musician i know i am, beneath the disease........i fucked up some of the transitions in cherub rock today lads. cherub rock. i've played that song fucking hundreds of times and can't do it anymore

with regards to baseball, i'm taking a class at school where i get to broadcast baseball games. it's the best thing ever and i'm fucking even that up. i love this game so much and i couldn't even cut to the right cameras at the right times.


freak out

give in

it doesn't matter what you be-

-lieve in

Not to try and diminish your feelings, but it looks like you have a couple of positive things going for you at the moment (baseball, band). Don't be too hard on yourself here.

Are you wearing boots and, if so, do they have straps on them?

SEE A THERAPIST.

MY PROBLEM IS IM WHITE AND HAVE OPPORTUNJTY TO FIX MY PROBLEMS

I think he is

You think he is a therapist?

I'd sit on Ramothy's couch.

Let's get to the bottom of these sad vibes, though.

Would you say you're missing fills and baseball player reaction shots because you're feeling lethargic and unmotivated or is it some sort of overthinking that brings about error?

You know, bad posture could be a factor here.

He doesn't have a couch. You can sit on the edge of his bed if you'd like.

Another therapist having their license revoked will only make me look like a common denominator.

thank you ❤️

oh boi i am

it's probably the lethargy, yeah. i think some part of my head convinced itself that life won't be any better if it cuts a great baseball broadcast or nails drum fills or whatever.

________

sorry to spam the board and everything, thanks so much guys for your support. i guess now that fuzzy's muted we need content

lol what spam

Spam27

SpamingGlobes

I used to struggle with Cherub Rock transitions and never knew quite when to switch to Camera B...

Then I discovered the wonders of Turmeric 2.0 Plus.

cheer up rambosis! go for a walk in the woods, listen to loveless.

remember, jimbo slays on jellybelly. life is still worth living!

i don't have advice but i'd like to say that i'm sorry you're feeling crappy and hope it doesn't last long

Spamlowed
buzzspam
SpamofaTook
ilikespams
Julian, Spam CONNOISSEUR

Have you been less motivated to work in b stuff like your interests and ambitions? Or are you having no problem engaging in them, but are frustrated that your proficiency isn't up to your expectations?

If it's the former, I'm in a similar slump, so it'd be hard for me to offer good advice. I would say that that two things that seem to help me are forcing myself to participate in my interests regardless of energy/motivation, just picking some small part of it to work on so that I'm not paralyzed by not even knowing how to go about such a vague and amorphous task as "getting better at X," and just doing the bare minimum; or deciding it's time to explore a new hobby that I've long had interest in, but have never got around to trying out, to maybe break up the monotony of my regular hobbies.

Productive procrastination can also make me feel better. So long as I can't will myself to do some important task, I at least feel better and more fulfilled if I procrastinate by doing something else interesting and engaging, like chores or a new hobby or exercise, than if I just surf the internet or do something else vegetative.

If it's the latter, and you're still able to engage in all your activities, but are just frustrated by messing up, I'd say you aren't doing very badly at all. If you're still moving, things are fine. It just means that you're so much of a perfectionist that you're hard on your mistakes. And skill acquisition is never linear; you can perform shittily at something today that you nailed yesterday, that's normal. Being hard on yourself may just be an indicator that you've still got passion, and it may not necessarily be a bad sign (though of course, everything in moderation, and being too hard too often is just bad for self-esteem and morale, and ironically deters you from practicing rather than encouraging you to practice more).

I've also found within the past year that social interaction helps a bit. Although I think I've done too much of it and have been too outwardly focused and haven't focused on myself enough recently, so I'm making the decision to withdraw a bit. But you're probably at the point where you could use more of it.

This advice I've just given is so good that even I can't be bothered to use it and my life still sucks. Never trust a skinny chef.

t. Spam King, the original LiveJournal spammer

spammingjj present, sir

Hey, thanks for the advice man, I really appreciate it. It's kinda....both? I'm having trouble getting myself to do stuff, and when I do, I'm not performing to my standards, so it's a self-perpetuating cycle.

I've been wanting to die for ages....jamming some 94 Pumpkins as loud as my speakers can go. Don't even know anymore

Ok Ram, I'm assuming a lot of things here but what you seem to be describing are symptoms of lethargy, anhedonia, and loss of concentration. Right? It's not as if you're trying your hardest and are just messing up - it's that you're not trying your hardest because you can't, because you're depressed. And that cycle perpetuates itself.

Have you ever tried any antidepressants? Therapy is fucking awesome and will be the most help to you by far in the long run. But antidepressants can really help symptoms that are or seem to be unrelated to your actual existential depression that makes you think of suicide etc. They will never solve your problems but they can help symptoms like this. You might one day have some epiphany about whatever core beliefs you have about yourself and where they came from and how to fix them, and that will be great. But whether it's that or your neurotransmitters having a siesta for no apparent reason, pills might help at least temporarily. It's worth at least discussing with your therapist to see what they think, imo. they would of course know better than me

I second the idea of discussing meds with your therapist. I didn't believe they could ever work for me, but they have become a really helpful "enhancement" to cognitive behavioral therapy. It's not like I don't get depressed or anxious anymore, but it seems to take the edge off and make me feel more in control when I assert some of the things my therapist has taught me to do, such as identify triggering stimuli, halting negative thought patterns before they get out of control etc. etc. Definitely worth discussing IMO.

people have this idea that SSRIs etc make them "not themselves" but it's really that it makes you more of yourself, imo, when you get the right one. they have new ones like what RBG is on that not only target serotonin but specific receptor sites on specific receptor ligands. so, not only does it not target all serotonin receptors, not only does it only target ones that have been proven to have an affect on depression, but the specific receptor sites on the specific receptors. this, more than anything, helps reduce side effects that are associated with SSRIs, especially sexual side effects and affect blunting

you can look at it this way. your finger hurts. old school MAOIs and shit treated your entire body, so your finger would stop hurting but there were all kinds of problems such as blunted affect and really dangerous combinations with certain foods. then SSRIs came along and they're better, but they still target both of your hands instead of just your one fucking finger, right? but at least you don't have dietary restrictions anymore and side effects aren't terrible like being so tired you can't do anything. and then these new ones do, in fact, target just your hurt finger. side effects are minimal. they are still in the early stages so it's seriously a lot of cause-and-effect experimenting but that's how you get better stuff