AveryLoren’s unbelievable Linda Strawberry story REVEALED
 

Esteemed member AveryLoren PROMISED they were done with the drama. But given that this is netphoria, and it’s the end of the world, valued boarder AveryLoren has bravely decided to REVEAL their unbelievable tale of lindas strawberries

From all of us, from each of our naughty hearts/butts to yours, Avlo, we thank u. Ok! Take it away Avlo!

I chatted to her in London for a bit. She later called me cute in a blog post. I also thought she was cute. A missed opportunity.

Here ends my Linda story.

but begins the chapter of: Kahlo is Avery Loren???

i'm not going to buy that just yet, i'm just going to remain in great, great anticipation of The Incredible, Unbelievable Avery Loren Linda Strawberry Story of 2020

Haha, whoa I guess I have to do the tell all now, but its not going to live up to the hype.

Avery, as someone who Netphoria and you have decided was in your favorite band for parts of 12 years, I demand you tell the story.

This is the super condensed version:
From late 2003 to the end of 2006 I was a big fixture in the local Emo scene in my city. I ran a venue that started out as an abandoned place where we had gorilla gigs in the parking lot to packing the place with national touring acts with the owner’s support. By early 2006 I had my own band and would open up for any of the bands that I was really into. Summer rolls around and I open for my all-time favorite band (we’ll call them Band X, and no, not even close to the mighty SP’s tour level) and hit it off with the singer and lead guitarist. We stay in touch and I eventually move out to California to start my career on their recommendation and help. About a year later me and the guitarist from Band X are hanging out and he mentions that we could go to this “scene chick’s” house and “hook up with some hot girls”. We head out to the Hollywood hills and knock on her door. She lets us in and the place is like half house, half photo studio. Designer clothing is everywhere and there are numerous hot girls, mid shoot. This is like the Myspace days where people hadn’t figured out what a social media influencer was exactly, but anyone could be a model and make a little money or get free stuff. We are there for a few hours when I decide to look around for the toilet. The house is one of those long straight “shotgun” houses hanging on a hill. I eventually make my way to the back of the house looking for the backdoor. In the very back room, there’s like a little girl’s fantasy princess themed room. There is a couch with blue and pink pastel curtains on each side, made from this like see through material. Sitting in the middle of the couch is Linda Strawberry.

This is pretty much as far as I’ll go.

So you fucked Linda Strawberry

:erm:

That's a negative.

This sounds like an unbelievable story about AvLo

Was hoping for a story about Linda Strawberry, not your god damn LinkedIn bio

If I was to give this thread a letter grade, I'd give it a B+ for Bad plus Terrible.

Yeah, I'm not about to get banned. I have a feeling certain people still lurk around here.

Fuckin' A... right?

True, I didn't even think about it like that. There is much more, but I am a scaredy cat.

tell us more about the gorilla gigs

i'm most curious about Band X

Av-Lo, you work out bro?

Mostly local Xtian bands at first. Nothing really of note till we got inside.

Not in the slightest.

They let fucken gorillas be Christians now? They wouldn’t even take me after i started toking microhits and listening to satanic bands like SP, now a ferocious beast is in the club? What the heck’s going on, in Christianity today

Next thing u know they’ll let the animals get married to each other. Oh well. At least women still can’t give sermons, thank the Father and his powerful hairy swinging globular glories of glories

Damn son you must be a smooth operator.

(you can pm me the rest of the story, btw)

Not in the slightest. lol

So ... you were sportin' a stylish outfit and she was keen on the cut of your jib?

She was never keen for me. She is older and that wasn't attractive at the time. I will say I think the person she is now (based on her social media presence) is vastly different than who she was at the time. I believe she was a groupie type of character in the scene. I was only around her a handful of times. She was a very weird, flirty person that would oddly bust out into a song or act like she was in a broadway play. She was either an alcoholic or took some type of psych meds because she always had this half loaded demeanor most of the time.

Damn dude what a letdown. So what happened that was so scandalous, you guys did dustoff hits and rocked out to Zeitgeist?