I'm so confused... And I'm turning to netphoria to help as a last resort. Come on guys, my heart is at stake...

So here is my problem... its been almost 8 months since my ex and i broke up, and I think I deserve a meaningful relationship now. I'm going to wait until after Christmas to actually pursue anything, but I do have a few options to consider.

Guy #1:
This guy has had a crush on me since September. We kind of hooked up at the end of September, and ever since, he calls me, makes a point of talking to me at school, always wants to do stuff with me, invites me out with him and his friends... He's an overall nice guy but he works out a lot and takes better care of his body than me... But we like the same things and he makes me laugh. The only thing that really turns me off is that we don't have the same taste in music at all... I know I like weird music, but our tastes are TOTALLY off. BUT he's been chasing me for like, almost 4 months so something inside of me tells me that his feelings are somewhat real. AND he's got an AWESOME body and the nicest legs I have EVER seen on a guy.

Guy #2:
We've been hanging out with each other since September. We joke around a lot about everything and he makes me laugh every time I'm around him. He has always sort of hinted that he wants me as more than a friend, but I never really picked up on it. The other night he asked me if we were going to hook up... I was like "tonight?!" and he said "no, in general"... so he pretty much put it all out on the table. He seems really nice and genuine, but I've been warned that this guy acts nice towards girls to get them in bed... I've told him about this and he told me honestly (i think) that its not what he is trying to do here... He thinks I'm resisting because of what this person said about him... He is really cool and treats me well.

Guy #3
I've known this guy since I was little... our parents are friends, and its just an all over good situation. We dated in the summer, but the timing just wasn't right... We've become super good friends since then, and he's admitted to me that he made a huge mistake letting me go. His brother has been in the hospital and his whole family is pretty emotional right now, and i've been there for him every step of the way to support him all he's needed... I've even travelled out of town to visit his brother and his parents at the hospital. We kind of hooked up the other week and it was great and felt good spending the night with him and stuff.... The only thing is that I don't really know how he feels about me at this point... and its kind of hard because he is now living in Vancouver and I'm a couple hours away.. I don't know about this whole long distance thing and stuff, and I don't know if its really worth waiting for... But I can't stop thinking about how much he makes me feel good about myself, his laugh is contagious, has an awesome body, and he is just an all around amazing person.

Or I can wait for something else to come along.

I honestly don't know what to do. Plz pick one and tell me your reasons... I'll answer any questions too... please help me!

i think my main problem here is that #1 and #2 are sure things, whereas #3 is a little sketchy in the LTR department...

the 4th one most resembled a "tl dr" option

Originally posted by alexthestampede
the 4th one most resembled a "tl dr" option


:(

i can't vote on this shit.
just follow your heart.

Which one is the redneck guy?

Guy #2 sounds disingenious and #3 lives too far. I hope #1 isn't the redneck guy with the pickup and the cowboy hat.

Originally posted by meow



:(

ok i read it.

guy no 3

never date a guy who requires more personal care than you.

3 on 1 mantrain orgy. Whoever's left standing will win.

Whichever doesn't like fighting fires, driving trucks and listening to country music.

Originally posted by sppunk
Whichever doesn't like fighting fires, driving trucks and listening to country music.
wtf?
did someone put you kids in a trashcan in highschool or what? trucks and country music are awesome and im not even that interested in them.

Originally posted by real politik
I hope #1 isn't the redneck guy with the pickup and the cowboy hat.

why not? that's hot

actually, he's the only 'city' boy on this list

Originally posted by sppunk
Whichever doesn't like fighting fires, driving trucks and listening to country music.

okay i'll ask them all!

i think my main problem here is that #1 and #2 are sure things, whereas #3 is a little sketchy in the LTR department...

Originally posted by meow
i think my main problem here is that #1 and #2 are sure things, whereas #3 is a little sketchy in the LTR department...

yeah, but #3 sounds like it could be a lot more intimate. but i know nothing.

Originally posted by phaedrus


yeah, but #3 sounds like it could be a lot more intimate. but i know nothing.

#3 is already partially developed sorta... you know?

3

Originally posted by Esty
3
why

Originally posted by meow

why
because guy no 1 doesnt like smashing pumpkins and guy no 2 just wants in your pants

Originally posted by alexthestampede

because guy no 1 doesnt like smashing pumpkins and guy no 2 just wants in your pants

good answer

Originally posted by meow

why

Its what you said at the end of his description. Sounds like you already know its going to be him. I see no need for this thread.

Originally posted by Esty


Its what you said at the end of his description. Sounds like you already know its going to be him. I see no need for this thread.


just because I adore the guy doesn't mean that he's a sure thing and am I just going to get hurt again if I tell him how I feel?

Originally posted by meow
just because I adore the guy doesn't mean that he's a sure thing and am I just going to get hurt again if I tell him how I feel?

I'm just saying it appears that is who you really want. As far as getting hurt, I hope you don't. Good luck regardless of who you choose.

Originally posted by Esty


I'm just saying it appears that is who you really want. As far as getting hurt, I hope you don't. Good luck regardless of who you choose.

thanks :)

Honestly, I see faults in all three of them. I cannot really recommend that you date either one of them, but on the other hand, I cannot really recommened chasity either. For, if I were to do that, you would no longer be the rolemodel for all my misogeny and hatred. How ironic that in the end all your choices did was create a different set of choices for myself. :(

Originally posted by Sapphire
Honestly, I see faults in all three of them. I cannot really recommend that you date either one of them, but on the other hand, I cannot really recommened chasity either. For, if I were to do that, you would no longer be the rolemodel for all my misogeny and hatred. How ironic that in the end all your choices did was create a different set of choices for myself. :(

interesting

Originally posted by meow


interesting

Isn't it though?

All those interested in making my vote count, please visit this thread. (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=78866)

Even though Meow has said that it was a good poll, I secretly believe that she's the one that picked the "I'm a vile, unhuman load" option. If only I could prove it! Blast! Regardless, I'm going down to the basement with some juice and crackers to try and figure this all out. I'm bringing a pad of paper and my best crayons as well, with hopes to come to a solution for you.

Gah. It's 3:16 A.M., raining outside, and I don't have a basement. :(

Originally posted by Sapphire


Isn't it though?

All those interested in making my vote count, please visit this thread. (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=78866)

Even though Meow has said that it was a good poll, I secretly believe that she's the one that picked the "I'm a vile, unhuman load" option. If only I could prove it! Blast! Regardless, I'm going down to the basement with some juice and crackers to try and figure this all out. I'm bringing a pad of paper and my best crayons as well, with hopes to come to a solution for you.

Gah. It's 3:16 A.M., raining outside, and I don't have a basement. :(

If I knew your IRL, I would bake you some cookies.... What is your favourite kind of cookie?

Originally posted by meow


If I knew your IRL, I would bake you some cookies.... What is your favourite kind of cookie?

That's the sad thing, I don't have a favourite cookie. I mean, not that I dislike cookies! Nothing could be farther from the truth! It's just that I'm... how should we say... cookiely inexperienced.

I mean, I'm a big fan of the chocolate chip. Who isn't? I dare ask you. But I know that out there lies a world full of banana-cookies, blueberry-cookies, cookies with nuts, cookies with raisins, the list goes on and on into the night. I know of these cookies, but like the mid-thirties rocker with the receeding hairline, standing outside in the rain for a nickleback concert; I will be but on the fringe of the cookie. I can participate, but there will always be something missing. Something, perhaps, that is related to youth, but that makes the whole experience of enjoying the cookie saddening, and thus in the end; tragic.

I thank you for your kind words and candor Meow, but I am afraid that I will be unable to take you up on your offer of cookies. Perhaps, sometime in a new life, we'll meet and bake a dozen. But, until that time comes, I'm afraid I will have to stand here, outside, in the rain; cookieless. :(

Originally posted by Sapphire


That's the sad thing, I don't have a favourite cookie. I mean, not that I dislike cookies! Nothing could be farther from the truth! It's just that I'm... how should we say... cookiely inexperienced.

I mean, I'm a big fan of the chocolate chip. Who isn't? I dare ask you. But I know that out there lies a world full of banana-cookies, blueberry-cookies, cookies with nuts, cookies with raisins, the list goes on and on into the night. I know of these cookies, but like the mid-thirties rocker with the receeding hairline, standing outside in the rain for a nickleback concert; I will be but on the fringe of the cookie. I can participate, but there will always be something missing. Something, perhaps, that is related to youth, but that makes the whole experience of enjoying the cookie saddening, and thus in the end; tragic.

I thank you for your kind words and candor Meow, but I am afraid that I will be unable to take you up on your offer of cookies. Perhaps, sometime in a new life, we'll meet and bake a dozen. But, until that time comes, I'm afraid I will have to stand here, outside, in the rain; cookieless. :(

If I didn't have to send it across the border, I could send you my christmas cookie assortment :(

If you have to ask Netphoria, you shouldn't be pursuing a "meaningful" relationship with any of them. You can't just force a "meaningful" relationship. If your heart doesn't already just automatically know which guy you want to have a "meaningful" relationship with, then you aren't meant to have a "meaningful" relationship with any of them. Just continue to date all of them and have fun...and keep your eye out for any other guys to date too.

Why do people have this desperate need to be in long-term "meaningful"/"serious" relationships? I just don't get it. And I never will. Stop constantly looking for it and trying to force it! It'll happen when it happens.

Originally posted by BlueStar
Why do people have this desperate need to be in long-term "meaningful"/"serious" relationships? I just don't get it. And I never will. Stop constantly looking for it and trying to force it! It'll happen when it happens. you know, i've been single for 8 years now, and since about a year i actually feel the <b>need</b> for a relationship. i want someone to come home to (metaphorically speaking at least), i want someone to share my life with. it's nto about the sex or anything, but i really feel i'm missing something big in my life. sure, you can't force a relationship, but you can get a bit more active in trying to find one. if that does happen, who knows? but it can't hurt either....oh, well, actually it can...but you know what i mean

oh, and for the question at hand. to me it seems #3 would have the most potential, followed by #1

Originally posted by severin
you know, i've been single for 8 years now, and since about a year i actually feel the <b>need</b> for a relationship. i want someone to come home to (metaphorically speaking at least), i want someone to share my life with. it's nto about the sex or anything, but i really feel i'm missing something big in my life.

Yes, I understand that. And there is nothing wrong with that. And I definitely understand getting more active in the dating scene or whatever in attempt to come across something that could be long-term.

However, I fail to see the point in saying "I want a meaningful long-term relationship. I haven't come across anyone where my heart just says 'this is a good one, I feel something, and I'm really excited about exclusively dating this one person'. But that's ok. Instead, I will just make a list of pros and cons about guys I currently know and settle for one of them because I really desperately just want someone in my life."

Originally posted by BlueStar


Yes, I understand that. And there is nothing wrong with that. And I definitely understand getting more active in the dating scene or whatever in attempt to come across something that could be long-term.

However, I fail to see the point in saying "I want a meaningful long-term relationship. I haven't come across anyone where my heart just says 'this is a good one, I feel something, and I'm really excited about exclusively dating this one person'. But that's ok. Instead, I will just make a list of pros and cons about guys I currently know and settle for one of them because I really desperately just want someone in my life." ok, point taken...i do have a problem with this approach too, but if she wants to try it this way i'll give her my opinion

Originally posted by severin
ok, point taken...i do have a problem with this approach too, but if she wants to try it this way i'll give her my opinion

Yeah. I'm just a big fan of 'when it happens, it happens'. (And when it happens, you should go to Vegas and get married ASAP.) :p

I started talking to this girl with an AWESOME body, she made me really hot. We laughed, eventually we were going to get it on. The night planned she came over, I made dinner, we had some wine. It was nice, dim lit house, slight chill outside. We were holding hands and watching some stupid stuff on TV when somebody made a quip about Smashing Pumpkins. She laughed and was like, Isnt that funny, SP is one of the worst bands ever.

And I was like WTF HO get the fuck out.

So thats why we didnt have sex or build a life together.

Gang bang or wait for someone else.

It seems like each of those guys have an inherent relationship flaw that make things doomed to fail pretty fast.

Originally posted by BlueStar
If you have to ask Netphoria, you shouldn't be pursuing a "meaningful" relationship with any of them. You can't just force a "meaningful" relationship. If your heart doesn't already just automatically know which guy you want to have a "meaningful" relationship with, then you aren't meant to have a "meaningful" relationship with any of them. Just continue to date all of them and have fun...and keep your eye out for any other guys to date too.

i'm not trying to force a meaningful relationship... i'm asking netphoria who they think would yeild a meaningful relationship.

you and mike ask netphoria questions about your wedding that should be private decisions between the both of you... I don't see this as any different.

Originally posted by BlueStar
Why do people have this desperate need to be in long-term "meaningful"/"serious" relationships? I just don't get it. And I never will. Stop constantly looking for it and trying to force it! It'll happen when it happens.

i'm not really trying to force anything... these three opportunities have pretty much fallen into my lap and i just want other people's views on which one i should or shouldn't pursue.

Originally posted by BlueStar
If you have to ask Netphoria, you shouldn't be pursuing a "meaningful" relationship with any of them. You can't just force a "meaningful" relationship. If your heart doesn't already just automatically know which guy you want to have a "meaningful" relationship with, then you aren't meant to have a "meaningful" relationship with any of them. Just continue to date all of them and have fun...and keep your eye out for any other guys to date too.

Originally posted by BlueStar


However, I fail to see the point in saying "I want a meaningful long-term relationship. I haven't come across anyone where my heart just says 'this is a good one, I feel something, and I'm really excited about exclusively dating this one person'. But that's ok. Instead, I will just make a list of pros and cons about guys I currently know and settle for one of them because I really desperately just want someone in my life."

thanks for calling me desperate... its far from that.

The problem is that my heart thinks that all three guys have the potential to be awesome boyfriends from what they have displayed to me in the past... I wouldn't be 'settling' for anyone, trust me... I don't just 'settle' anymore, or else i would have a boyfriend by now.

if none of the 3 are great enough to seperate themselves from the pack, then i wouldn't be expecting too much from any of them. just stick with the situation you're in now....have fun, and see where things go.

Originally posted by meow


thanks for calling me desperate... its far from that.

The problem is that my heart thinks that all three guys have the potential to be awesome boyfriends from what they have displayed to me in the past... I wouldn't be 'settling' for anyone, trust me... I don't just 'settle' anymore, or else i would have a boyfriend by now. i wouldn't call it desperate, but stating that you think you deserve a meaningful relationship now sounds like you're pressing a bit, when you shouldn't be. let it come naturally, you'll know what you want when you see it.

Originally posted by guz
if none of the 3 are great enough to seperate themselves from the pack, then i wouldn't be expecting too much from any of them. just stick with the situation you're in now....have fun, and see where things go.

I guess the big problem is that the one that does seperate himself from the pack is definately not a sure thing because of the situation we are in.. the first two are currently pursuing me, whereas I don't really know where I stand with the third one.. I guess you are right... I just really hate these situations because I am generally a nice person, and guys turn around and think I'm nice to them because I want something more from them.

I was gonna vote for #3 til I read that it would be a long distance relationship. I voted for #1.

Originally posted by guz
i wouldn't call it desperate, but stating that you think you deserve a meaningful relationship now sounds like you're pressing a bit, when you shouldn't be. let it come naturally, you'll know what you want when you see it.


Of course I think I deserve a meaningful relationship... I'm a great person, I have never treated anyone badly, and I've been alone for quite a while now... Its like severin said, I really just want someone to come home to or whatever. There are a lot of people in this world who are horrible people that are in relationships... Its not too much (in my opinion) to say that I want to be in one as well.

Originally posted by meow
I guess the big problem is that the one that does seperate himself from the pack is definately not a sure thing because of the situation we are in.. the first two are currently pursuing me, whereas I don't really know where I stand with the third one.. I guess you are right... so say you went w/ 1 or 2, you're going to be thinking about 3 the whole time...if he really does seperate himself in terms of potential.

Originally posted by meow
I just really hate these situations because I am generally a nice person, and guys turn around and think I'm nice to them because I want something more from them. Welcome to the world. :p

Originally posted by guz
so say you went w/ 1 or 2, you're going to be thinking about 3 the whole time...if he really does seperate himself in terms of potential.


its more like he seperates himself because of who he is as a person.... whereas the potential is kind of iffy.... But I know what you are saying... I really don't know if I could be with either of the other two guys without thinking 'what if' about the third... and I would probably ending up hurting the person I was with if there was ever a sparkle of hope of anything happening with #3.

Fuck... I'm going to be alone for a long time.

Originally posted by meow
Of course I think I deserve a meaningful relationship... I'm a great person, I have never treated anyone badly, and I've been alone for quite a while now... Its like severin said, I really just want someone to come home to or whatever. There are a lot of people in this world who are horrible people that are in relationships... Its not too much (in my opinion) to say that I want to be in one as well. that's fine and all if that's how you feel. i just think it's best when a person is not out looking for a relationship, and just let's it happen...but maybe that's just me.

Originally posted by meow
Fuck... I'm going to be alone for a long time. survey says you should enjoy it while you can, b/c later in life you'll miss it.

Originally posted by guz
that's fine and all if that's how you feel. i just think it's best when a person is not out looking for a relationship, and just let's it happen...but maybe that's just me.


thats the thing though... For the last few months I haven't been looking for a relationship... The one guy I dated sort of just fell into my lap but it turned out he was a jackass... but these guys have been hanging around for a long period of time, and i figured it was time to give one of them a chance.... but not if i'm going to end up hurting someone.

I don't think that dating a guy that has been pursuing me for 2-3 months is forcing anything.

Different music tastes is not that big a deal.

Chris and I of course had this problem when we were together. He likes all that indie stuff and Radiohead, none of which I even marginally enjoyed. I like hair metal and classic rock and singer-songwriter stuff from the 70s, all of which he disliked. We made each other tapes of stuff we hoped the other would like (granted this was in high school). Whoever was driving got control of the radio. I went to go see Super Furry Animals with him, he went to AC/DC with me.

So, yeah, you can totally work something out there. And if you have a lot of other things in common, it shouldn't surface that much.

Originally posted by Sepiae
Different music tastes is not that big a deal.

Chris and I of course had this problem when we were together. He likes all that indie stuff and Radiohead, none of which I even marginally enjoyed. I like hair metal and classic rock and singer-songwriter stuff from the 70s, all of which he disliked. We made each other tapes of stuff we hoped the other would like (granted this was in high school). Whoever was driving got control of the radio. I went to go see Super Furry Animals with him, he went to AC/DC with me.

So, yeah, you can totally work something out there. And if you have a lot of other things in common, it shouldn't surface that much.

Well, the problem there is I don't think there is that much leap between radiohead, indie stuff, and classic rock... I don't know, probably because I like pretty much everything that isn't britney spears/rap/hip hop... but he listens to hip hop religiously, and I can't fucking stand it. Whenever we talk about music, it ends up being something like him saying 'you don't even like the ONLY rock band that I like' and if he talks about hip hop, i tend to zone out...

hmmm.

Originally posted by meow
...but he listens to hip hop religiouslyok, i vote for this guy.

Originally posted by guz
ok, i vote for this guy.


hahaha oh man, I can't handle that

hahaha

i feel better about this now... thanks guys