I'm so hardcore, when I make love to my old lady, I listen to Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" in 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround Sound. I have an EAX setting to make it sound like I'm inside a cathedral, and I pretend that I'm caressing her on the altar.

She screams so loud the plate glass window of Jesus healing the lepers shatters to a million pieces.

I'm so hardcore that as the glass rains down around me, I turn on the Tom Jones cover of "Kiss" and I do the hustle. You're allowed to disco dance and listen to Tom Jones if you're as hardcore as I am.

I'm so hardcore then when I'm drunk, I skateboard thirty miles to get to the nearest strip club. I pay the DJ in Diamond necklaces from Jacob the Jewler to play me my favorite lapdance song - "More Than A Feeling", by Boston. If you think Boston didn't know what was up, you're a fool.

I'm so hardcore that every day when I wake up, I listen to my powertrio of Chi-restoring funkatronic madness. First comes KC and the Sunshine Band, "Boogie Shoes". If you don't like this song, you probably have downs syndrome, and I won't make fun of you because that sort of disorder is no laughing matter.

I follow it up with "Movin' On Up", the theme from The Jeffersons. I make this as I fry fish in the kitchen, which I blacken then chop up into little pentagrams to mix in with my Fruity Pebbles. Instead of milk, whiskey. Hardcore my friends, starts with a well balanced breakfeast of animal flesh and hooch. And Fruity Pebbles.

The final song I listen to as I get dressed in my rags and diamonds is "Sweet Georgia Brown", which most of you know as the Harlem Globetrotters theme. This reminder of the coming domination of Harlemites over the Washington Generals makes me happy enough to go out and resume my ordinary course of screwing with the capitalist opressors.

Just to prove I'm not the weakling wanna-be hardcore swine so many people are, I listen to Tool for about thirty seconds till I remember that I liked them better when they were called Rush and actually played with passion instead of just skill. Then I remember that I want to use Geddy Lee's head as a bowling ball, snap to my senses, and listen to Beyonce sing, because it makes me feel good.

If you're not hardcore enough to admit that sometimes a pretty melody lifts your heart, I pity your cold dead soul.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">So you listen to Lou Reed while fucking your own mother. You are hardcore.</font>

Oh god !

i am not going to read all of that. it's too long.

SET THE CORE TO HARD.

CORE SETTING:

soft -----------------------------o--- hard

Originally posted by Salena Child
i am not going to read all of that. it's too long.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">Why are you on the internet?</font>

Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros
Why are you on the internet?

Probably because she can't figure out how to sign off.

Originally posted by Bogatron
I listen to Tool for about thirty seconds till I remember that I liked them better when they were called Rush and actually played with passion instead of just skill.

This is classic.:D

Originally posted by AndItsAllGone
Probably because she can't figure out how to sign off.
:rofl:

I actually lolled on that one.

Originally posted by undivinemartyr

:rofl:

I actually lolled on that one.

Same.

Originally posted by Bogatron
Sure, I won't dispute the hardness of your core.

You ever listen to King Missile (or would you think that is softcore?) This almost reminds me of the song "Jesus Was Way Cool".