View Full Version : Post here and I'll compare you to a baseball player


Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 09:14 PM
<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">Yeah this'll be fun.</font>

Injektilo
05-18-2003, 09:15 PM
I don't know a tenth of the ballplayers I knew ten years ago.

spfreak
05-18-2003, 09:17 PM
hmm this shall be interesting indeed

meow
05-18-2003, 09:18 PM
this is an original spin on the most frequenly posted thread. i like it!

jenniferkate
05-18-2003, 09:18 PM
oh fun.

Toby
05-18-2003, 09:21 PM
Originally posted by meow
this is an original spin on the most frequenly posted thread. i like it!
Well worded Meow.

noyen
05-18-2003, 09:21 PM
If you know my name
don't speak it out
it holds a power - as before

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 09:21 PM
Originally posted by Injektilo
I don't know a tenth of the ballplayers I knew ten years ago.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're <b>CARLOS DELGADO</b> of the Toronto Blue Jays!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/5178.jpg">

You're one of my favorite ballplayers, but you don't show up in enough games. True, you've put together a few spectacular seasons but if you had more consistensy, you'd be a .320 40HR guy every year. Still, a .282 career batting average with 274 HR and 852 RBI is nothing to sneeze at.</font>

Geek USA
05-18-2003, 09:24 PM
my brother has boxes filled with old baseball cards

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 09:25 PM
Originally posted by spfreak
hmm this shall be interesting indeed

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're outfielder <b>REED JOHNSON</b> of the Toronto Blue Jays.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/0000.jpg">

I don't know who the fuck you are! Apparently you're batting .550 with one home run. You've probably had like 3 at bats or something.</font>

miss world
05-18-2003, 09:26 PM
i don't even know any baseball players. :(

Injektilo
05-18-2003, 09:27 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're <b>CARLOS DELGADO</b> of the Toronto Blue Jays!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/5178.jpg">

You're one of my favorite ballplayers, but you don't show up in enough games. True, you've put together a few spectacular seasons but if you had more consistensy, you'd be a .320 40HR guy every year. Still, a .282 career batting average with 274 HR and 852 RBI is nothing to sneeze at.</font>

*knods. Kewl.

I used to love Duane Ward. I thought he was the coolest. and Kelly Gruber.

mercurial
05-18-2003, 09:27 PM
http://ca.yimg.com/i/ca/reuters/20021110/i/134750251.jpg

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 09:32 PM
Originally posted by meow
this is an original spin on the most frequenly posted thread. i like it!

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're outfielder <b>Geoff Jenkins</b> of the Milwaukee Brewers.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/5948.jpg">

A lot of scouts pooh-pooh you, but I think you're a bad ass. You've been hurt in a couple seasons, but that's no reason to believe that your career is over. Would anyone want to play through injuries for the Milwaukee Brewers? Come on! You're young and talented and you still have time to put it all together, a change of scenery might help. You just need to cut down on your strikeouts.</font>

meow
05-18-2003, 09:34 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're outfielder <b>Geoff Jenkins</b> of the Milwaukee Brewers.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/5948.jpg">

A lot of scouts pooh-pooh you, but I think you're a bad ass. You've been hurt in a couple seasons, but that's no reason to believe that your career is over. Would anyone want to play through injuries for the Milwaukee Brewers? Come on! You're young and talented and you still have time to put it all together, a change of scenery might help. You just need to cut down on your strikeouts.</font>

dude this is the best thread ever!!!!!

im glad you think i still have time to put it all together ;)

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 09:38 PM
Originally posted by jenniferkate
oh fun.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're centerfielder <b>BERNIE WILLIAMS</b> of the New York Yankees!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4695.jpg">

I hate the team you play for (you Yankee, you), but I can only respect your ability and class. One of the best all-around players of all time, you've batted .300 or above for nine straight seasons, hit at least 20 home runs in eight of them and won more than a few gold gloves. I can't say if you're a hall of famer yet, because the voters are real picky, but you're definitely on the ballot.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 09:43 PM
Originally posted by Toby

Well worded Meow.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're second baseman <b>Jerry Hairston Jr.</b> of the Baltimore Orioles.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/0000.jpg">

I've seen your name pop up, but you've never done anything special that I can remember. Sometimes I wonder why you're still around. Shit, you don't even have a picture on ESPN.com and you've been playing major leauge ball for at least four years. I remember seeing your name as a top prospect some years back but you continue to perform at a low level, probably because you keep trying to swing for the fences when you don't have the power. Just make contact, and get on base. You play second for fuck's sake.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 09:48 PM
Originally posted by noyen
If you know my name
don't speak it out
it holds a power - as before

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're pitcher <b>RANDY JOHNSON</b> of the Arizona Diamondbacks!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4288.jpg">

You are a bad ass. You have the most wicked slider ever seen, and your fastball is supersonic. You continue to pile up strikeouts even in your late 30s, and you've won a couple Cy Youngs and a World Series to boot. First ballot hall of fame, no question.</font>

wangcomputers
05-18-2003, 09:50 PM
batta-batta-batta-bing

meow
05-18-2003, 09:57 PM
Originally posted by Toby

Well worded Meow.

thank you. i put extra thought into that one.

meow
05-18-2003, 10:00 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're pitcher <b>RANDY JOHNSON</b> of the Arizona Diamondbacks!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4288.jpg">

You are a bad ass. You have the most wicked slider ever seen, and your fastball is supersonic. You continue to pile up strikeouts even in your late 30s, and you've won a couple Cy Youngs and a World Series to boot. First ballot hall of fame, no question.</font>


dude, too bad RJ is the ugliest guy in the league.
great, nonetheless. but ug-lee.

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 10:06 PM
Originally posted by Geek USA
my brother has boxes filled with old baseball cards

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are outfielder <b>GABE KAPLER</b> of the Colorado Rockies.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6140.jpg">

You're one of my favorite players, but I'm not quite sure why. I think you're highly underrated, you've got great hustle and play real hard. I don't like the fact that you've been buried on the bench in Texas and now in Colorado. Someone needs to give you a chance to be an everyday player. You might not be a superstar or a power hitter, but you're a good person to hit in the #2 spot to round out an already talented club.</font>

Geek USA
05-18-2003, 10:09 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are outfielder <b>GABE KAPLER</b> of the Colorado Rockies.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6140.jpg">

You're one of my favorite players, but I'm not quite sure why. I think you're highly underrated, you've got great hustle and play real hard. I don't like the fact that you've been buried on the bench in Texas and now in Colorado. Someone needs to give you a chance to be an everyday player. You might not be a superstar or a power hitter, but you're a good person to hit in the #2 spot to round out an already talented club.</font>


wow.. :love:

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 10:14 PM
Originally posted by miss world
i don't even know any baseball players. :(

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are third baseman <b>COREY KOSKIE</b> of the Minnesota Twins!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6110.jpg">

You're an ok player, but something tells me that you could be a hell of a lot better. You're supposed to be one of the cornerstones of the Twins offense, but you're don't hit very well and you don't really bring that much power to the plate to make up for that. You've only really had one good season, in 2001 when you hit .276 with 26HR and 103 RBI. If you could hit .300 every year you'd be a real strong player instead of an above-average one. At least you play very good defense, like the rest of your team-mates. All that said and done, I'm rooting for you.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 10:17 PM
Originally posted by mercurial
cricket sucks

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're pitcher <b>LUTHER HACKMAN</b> of the San Diego Padres.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6328.jpg">

Sorry dog, I don't really know who the fuck you are.</font>

bornentertainer
05-18-2003, 10:17 PM
I want to play! But you probably don't know who I am, just like everyone else. :(

sppunk
05-18-2003, 10:21 PM
Dude, sign me up. I don't want some shiesty NL player though. AL pwns! you.

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-18-2003, 10:23 PM
Originally posted by Graveflower
i wonder!

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">Surprise, surprise, you are first baseman <b>MO VAUGHN</b> of the New York Mets.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4685.jpg">

I think you're a great player that's been hobbled by injuries and lackluster teams. You really haven't been the same since you sat out all of 2001 with a knee injury. Recently I read you went AWOL on the Mets, and I wonder what that's about. I think you take criticism too seriously and let it affect your game. I guess you are still haunted by your exodus from Boston, and your career in Anaheim was too short to be a World Champion. Sucks to be you. But lets keep in mind that you've had some amazing seasons, and players like that always have a shot at returning to glory. Just chill out, man. But I understand, who really wants to play for the fucking Mets, anyway?

I was going to say Sean Casey of the Reds, but he just flat out sucks.</font>

mercurial
05-18-2003, 10:24 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're pitcher <b>LUTHER HACKMAN</b> of the San Diego Padres.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6328.jpg">

Sorry dog, I don't really know who the fuck you are.</font>

its all good ... I don't really know a fucking thing about baseball

:cool:

jczeroman
05-18-2003, 10:27 PM
GO!

sawdust restaurants
05-19-2003, 01:10 AM
Oh, man, this is exciting.

manonkouch
05-19-2003, 01:12 AM
I can't wait to see who I'm compared to.

Sepiae
05-19-2003, 01:15 AM
please do.

Helena Handbasket
05-19-2003, 01:16 AM
ugh do me, baby.

Mayfuck
05-19-2003, 01:22 AM
And u r Tommy Lasorda cuz he's fat lol.

funnygeezus
05-19-2003, 01:56 AM
*intrigued*

dusty
05-19-2003, 01:58 AM
<font color="9999ff">omigosh! i simply MUST know what baseball player you will make me be :D</font>

jenny4ever
05-19-2003, 02:12 AM
im curious

beef curtains
05-19-2003, 08:28 AM
werd up yo

sickbadthing
05-19-2003, 09:20 AM
I am TY COBB.

The Gaddrow
05-19-2003, 09:50 AM
Brendan, you are the coolest.

*archives thread*

El Savior
05-19-2003, 09:52 AM
wow. you are bored

jenniferkate
05-19-2003, 10:00 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You're centerfielder <b>BERNIE WILLIAMS</b> of the New York Yankees!
</font>

aww bernie! :love: that makes me feel all warm inside.

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-19-2003, 11:35 AM
Originally posted by El Savior
wow. you are bored

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">No fucking kidding. I'm only taking a momentary break here. I got a lot of work to do tomorrow.</font>

Nimrod's Son
05-19-2003, 01:34 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros
<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/5948.jpg">
I always thought he looked like Brett Favre.

Anyway, good thread idea.

mpp
05-19-2003, 01:51 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros



I was going to say Sean Casey of the Reds, but he just flat out sucks.</font>

he's hitting over .300 for his career!!!!!

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-20-2003, 06:17 PM
Originally posted by mpp


he's hitting over .300 for his career!!!!!

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">I haven't been paying attention.</font>

FearFactory
05-20-2003, 06:36 PM
Alright faygot. and check your PMs.

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-20-2003, 07:49 PM
Originally posted by bornentertainer
I want to play! But you probably don't know who I am, just like everyone else. :(

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are pitcher <b>GARY GLOVER</b> of the Chicago White Sox!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6369.jpg">

You're probably an allright pitcher, you are in the major leauges after all, but you haven't done anything of note just yet.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-20-2003, 07:54 PM
Originally posted by sppunk
Dude, sign me up. I don't want some shiesty NL player though. AL pwns! you.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are centerfielder <b>CARL EVERETT</b> of the Texas Rangers!

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/5073.jpg">

You think you're hot shit. You have outrageous opinions and often say the wrong thing. YOu think it's pretty cool that everyone in Boston hates your guts, but that's not the great achievement that you think it is. Bostonites aren't fond of the darkies. All that said, you sure can hit like a motherfucker. But maybe it's just the ballpark.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-20-2003, 08:04 PM
Originally posted by wangcomputers
batta-batta-batta-bing

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are outfielder <b>BRIAN GILES</b> of the Pittsburgh Pirates!

<img src=http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/5543.jpg>

You are a clown prince of the clubhouse. You keep everyone loose and endeavor to keep everyone laughing in June when the Pirates are already out of the pennant race. You also do your best on the diamond, where you rack up MVP stats for a really bad team (this season is a fluke, besides you've still got time to improve that batting average). One day you'll play for a contender.</font>

Lie
05-20-2003, 08:07 PM
Me.

THRILLHO
05-20-2003, 08:09 PM
i have known shit about baseball since i stopped following it in grade 5 so this is completley arbitrary (i remembered mo vaughn!) but goddamn, rhino is an entertaining message board writer.

beef curtains
05-21-2003, 09:45 AM
DAMNIT I WANNA KNOW! unless i'm randy johnson, in which case i'll pass :p

STFU
05-21-2003, 10:05 AM
I'm in.

beef curtains
05-22-2003, 05:00 PM
I WANT MY ELEPHANT!!

Ugly
05-22-2003, 05:14 PM
and so I too ask
he'll never get this far down
anyway, I post

beef curtains
05-28-2003, 09:20 AM
I@M GOING TO BUMP THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL TELL ME SOONER RATHER THAN LATER :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Nate the Grate
05-28-2003, 11:28 AM
do me do me do me!

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:02 AM
Originally posted by jczeroman
GO!

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are left fielder <b>ADAM DUNN</b> of the Cincinnatti Reds.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6763.jpg">

Already in your short career you are a bonafide power hitter. You've only had one full season, but you already have 63 home runs. Keep that shit up and you may turn out to be the greatest homerun hitter in the majors.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:06 AM
Originally posted by ******
oh... me me!

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are third baseman <b>ADRIAN BELTRE</b> of the Los Angeles Dodgers.

<img src=http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6039.jpg>

I can't possibly fathom how you're still an everyday player. You're supposed to be a power hitter, but you don't really hit very many HRs. Your average sucks this year, what's the deal? You should be a lot better than your stats indicate. Probably because you're one of the only players in the leauge that doesn't use performance enhancing drugs. How can I tell? Because you're only 170 lbs. Take a cue from Barry Bonds and get some human growth hormone. You'll be an all-star in no time.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:12 AM
Originally posted by sawdust restaurants
Oh, man, this is exciting.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are pitcher <b>MARK BUHERLE</b> of the Chicago White Sox.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6525.jpg">

You should be a number one pitcher, but from what I've read it sounds like you don't want that pressure. Whatever dood. Doesn't look like you're handling the number two spot very well this year. 2-8 with a 5.01 ERA? What's the deal dogg? Shit.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:16 AM
Originally posted by manonkouch
I can't wait to see who I'm compared to.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are pitcher <b>CARLOS ZAMBRANO</b> of the Chicago Cubs.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6559.jpg">You throw that ball like a motherfucker. Of course you do, you play for the Cubs where they have power pitchers in spades. You're young and last year you had a nice season, and so far you've put together a good 2003. The Cubs will probably trade you for Dave Hanson or something stupid like that.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:21 AM
Originally posted by Sepiae
please do.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are centerfielder <b>CRAIG BIGGIO</b> of the Houston Astros.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4217.jpg">

You are one of the greatest players of all time. Sorely underrated, you have hit for .280 almost every season of your career and you're a fixture at the top of the Astros line up. You get doubles like a motherfucker. You have played catcher, second base, and now centerfield, and have done well at all three. Crazy. I bet that fucking hill and the flagpole in Centerfield of Minute Maid Field (nee Enron) is fucking annoying, though. You'd be better at CF if there wasn't all that annoying shit out there. Hopefully you'll be enshrined in Cooperstown, but you've always been sorely underrated, so who really knows.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:26 AM
Originally posted by Helena Handbasket
ugh do me, baby.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are pitcher <b>PEDRO MARTINEZ</b> of the Boston Red Sox.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4875.jpg">

You are one of the most dominant pitchers of all time. You get hurt a lot though. Shame about that. Your change-up is easily the best in the majors and it makes your fastball look a lot faster than it really is. You have one of the lowest career ERAs i've ever seen. The last time it was over three was back in 96 when you played for the Montreal Expos. That's pretty awesome. I really wish you'd bring a championship home for the Bosox but everyone knows there's a snowball's chance for that ever happening.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:30 AM
Originally posted by Mayfuck
And u r Tommy Lasorda cuz he's fat lol.

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are left fielder <b>BARRY BONDS</b> of the San Francisco Giants.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/3918.jpg">

Holy fuck. You'd be a national treasure if you weren't such a gigantic asshole. What the fuck is your problem? Jesus. I always liked it when you and Jeff Kent would start bitching, because Kent had a point, you're a bastard. Maybe it's the steroids. I still can't believe you hit 73 home runs. That number is so high it's almost disgusting. You'll be in Cooperstown as soon as you're eligible, but for the love of Christ, why are you such an outrageous prick?</font>

dusty
05-29-2003, 05:31 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are pitcher <b>PEDRO MARTINEZ</b> of the Boston Red Sox.

<img src="

You are one of the most dominant pitchers of all time. You get hurt a lot though. Shame about that. Your change-up is easily the best in the majors and it makes your fastball look a lot faster than it really is. You have one of the lowest career ERAs i've ever seen. The last time it was over three was back in 96 when you played for the Montreal Expos. That's pretty awesome. I really wish you'd bring a championship home for the Bosox but everyone knows there's a snowball's chance for that ever happening.</font>"> <font color="9999ff">gettin a little lazy there? :rofl:</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:41 AM
Originally posted by funnygeezus
*intrigued*

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are pitcher <b>JOE KENNEDY</b> of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6736.jpg">

I think you have pretty good stuff and you could turn out to be a pretty decent pitcher. Too bad you play for the Tampa Bay Double As. You're no superstar, but you're a very solid all around pitcher. It's kind of sad that you're the best pitcher the Devil Rays got, but you know, they fucking suck.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:46 AM
Originally posted by dusty
<font color="9999ff">omigosh! i simply MUST know what baseball player you will make me be :D</font>

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are closer <b>TREVOR HOFFMAN</b> of the San Diego Padres.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4975.jpg">

When you pitch at home, they start playing AC/DC's Hells Bells while you're warming up in the bullpen to close out the game. You are a bad motherfucker. When you come on the mound the game is over. You torch those motherfuckers and pile up strike outs. Kind of sucks that you're out for half the season, but the Padres have had a string of bad luck starting with Mike Dunn dying in that car accident.</font>

Mr. Rhinoceros
05-29-2003, 05:55 AM
Originally posted by jenny4ever
im curious

<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are first baseman <b>JEFF CONINE</b> of the Baltimore Orioles.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/4600.jpg">

You've always been a good, solid hitter. But not really a Superstar. You're one of the nicest guys in baseball. You have the dubious distinction of having won a World Seires with the '97 Marlins, but at least you played most of your career there. Then they rewarded you by trading you to the Royals.</font>

beef curtains
05-29-2003, 01:30 PM
THIS MAKES ME VERY ANGRY.

YOU@D BETTER GODDAMN TELL ME !

jczeroman
05-29-2003, 01:33 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Rhinoceros


<font color=#007AAA face="courier new">You are left fielder <b>ADAM DUNN</b> of the Cincinnatti Reds.

<img src="http://espn.go.com/i/mlb/profiles/players/6763.jpg">

Already in your short career you are a bonafide power hitter. You've only had one full season, but you already have 63 home runs. Keep that shit up and you may turn out to be the greatest homerun hitter in the majors.</font>

I am feeling so confused right now... maybe I am gay or something?

guz
05-29-2003, 03:03 PM
skipped me