View Full Version : Cotton Man

07-19-2002, 05:25 PM
I found this on some web site... I found it amusing at how he used SP names... I know this makes no sense, but I am bored and I decided to waste everyone's time by reading this... this was written by some guy...

Cotton Man
Written by Tom Williams

Hi, my name is Cotton Man. My first name is Cotton, and my last name is Man. Quite a coincidence, eh? I have a simple life. I was born and raised in Cottonville, Japan. I never knew my parents, so I was raised by my grandmother, whom I loved dearly. As a child, I was always very quiet. While the other boys and girls were at play, I just pretended to be a famous actor. Some kids called me ‘Fluffy Actress’ even though I would be considered an actor. My rep kept the same until I was out of college; I was always a ‘Fluffy Actress’ to them. There was one friend though… his name was Billy Corgan. He always dreamed of being a big vocalist, he did and I am making a tribute building for him… I’ll explain that later. He introduced me to commercial acting. Billy’s friend, James Iha was in the commercial business and Billy thought I would be good for a job. Billy talked to James and they agreed to have several companies interview me.

I was eventually interviewed by a few major companies such as Microsoft, Verizon, Nokia, and Wilson. Microsoft and Verizon declined me because they said that cotton does not belong in the computer business. Nokia said that I was so fluffy; I couldn’t hold a mini phone and Wilson declined me because cotton is not good at sports. I was depressed. James offered me a job to some tire company called Michelin. I was cautious at first, but I figured I had nothing to lose.

The next day, I traveled out to their offices in Michelin, Japan. I walked in the door with caution, I saw many men in business suits, and well, there I was… just a big ball of cotton. I thought that I had no chance; I was not very good looking. I walked up to the secretary and checked in for my appointment. I sat down in the waiting chair, and before I knew it, I was called in a strange looking office. There was a small, short man in a chair twice his size. He explained his name was Jack Gum and he was the director of advertising. They started right away; here was a copy of the interview.

Jack Gum: So, do you have any talents besides acting?

Cotton Man: Not really, acting is all I really practice.

Jack Gum: Why do you want to work for us?

Cotton Man: To tell you the truth, I am looking for any job. I am taking anything that comes my way.

Jack Gum: Well, you look unique; I say you got the job!

That was it. It was as easy as cake. I don’t know how I got the job so easily, but I did. I came back to my dorm and and told Billy with excitement. The comment that he said, that I will always remember, was, “Well, I guess we will both be famous someday.”

He was right. I started shooting the first commercial a week later and they said I was the best advertiser they ever had. They were becoming a major tire company just because of me! I felt so proud. They said I would be making two million a year, which is pretty amazing! I filmed many commercials, I didn’t do much, a picture of me was just displayed on their logo at the end of the commercial. They soon told me all I had to do was come in the studio once every month to take a new picture. I was starred in magazines everywhere and everyone wondered, ‘What will be the new picture this month?’ I was soon known worldwide as the Michelin Man. I was in fame. One day, Jack Gum came up to me and offered a contract for the rest of my life; they would pay ten million a year, plus a free car. They made it clear though, that on the car, there had to be Michelin tires. I agreed, I didn’t really think tires mattered much anyways. They gave me a car of my choice. I chose the great Dodge Viper RT/10. Ah, that car was so fun!

One month when it was my time to come to work, my tire flattened out. I called a tow truck through my one thousand dollar cell phone and they arrived on the spot. They towed my car to the nearest gas station; they explained to me that I needed new tires. I remembered the rule, so I asked them for Michelin tires. They nodded no and said that they were all out and they only had Firestone. I agreed, I figured that it would be better to come to work with some tires than no tires at all.

They put the tires on and I drove to work. I arrived and got out of my snazzy car. I walked inside the building and I was greeted by all the executives. I walked into the camera studio to get my picture but just as I was about to turn the knob I hear the police scream at me. They arrested me for not using Michelin tires. I sadly walked out.

They took me in a large police car and drove me to the state prison. I was first brought into the interrogation room and there, questioning me, was Jack Gum. He asked me why I did it. I explained to him the whole story, but he did not believe me and he ordered the prison guards to lock me up in the smallest, most uncomfortable cell. While I was going, he told me that he took all my money and my car and that I would be in prison for my short, pathetic life. I sat down in my prison, whilst thinking. How could I be so stupid? Just then, a bright light came from the heavens and a person appeared. “I am a person,” he said calmly. “You do not deserve this treatment; I will send you to Critterville.” He handed me five hundred dollars. I knew he was a sage at that moment. I was transported and I landed in a small town. I saw people walking around and such. I saw a cotton house made just for me. I knew this would be the chance to start over…


[This message has been edited by Ensoul (edited 07-19-2002).]

07-20-2002, 11:10 AM

"love does not always have to be quiet and graceful, it can be boisterous and loud and even rude, to shout above the din to be heard sometimes... if only to bring a little peace" -bc

07-21-2002, 12:13 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by Ensoul:
Cottonville, Japan.</font>


The Funky Monkey
07-21-2002, 01:26 AM
That was not funny. But I did like the old guy picture HAHA!

07-21-2002, 01:46 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by The Funky Monkey:
That was not funny. But I did like the old guy picture HAHA!</font>

Archie Bunker? the kids are getting younger and younger.


07-21-2002, 01:49 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by lily1only:
Archie Bunker? the kids are getting younger and younger.

</font>Ahhh! Your sig is awesome!


07-24-2002, 06:52 PM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by relaxor!:
Originally posted by lily1only:
Archie Bunker? the kids are getting younger and younger.

</font>Ahhh! Your sig is awesome!

it took a (tattooed) boy from (birkenhead) to really really open (her) eyes (

07-25-2002, 12:17 AM
thank you!


[This message has been edited by lily1only (edited 07-26-2002).]