who chew really loudly and make a lot of noise when they eat? it's unspeakably rude and disgusting. my friend sounds like an animal when he eats, and it makes me want to puke. i offend him if i bring it up and he doesn't seem to be aware of all the noise he makes. what do i do

Offend him, then.

i guess i could do that. it's just not my style

don't eat with him anymore. how offended does he get when you bring it up?

wear headphones and listen to music if you eat with him. or turn some tunes up real loud.

things just get awkward. he doesn't get it. it's gross

yeah i usually do. but sometimes it's just not possible. he eats a lot.

record it and show him

i guess i'm looking for a tactful way to convey the thought: "you sound like an animal when you eat and it really grosses me out. didn't your parents teach you table manners? are you completely oblivious to the sounds emanating from your mouth?"

record it and show himnow there's a thought

Do it back to him. Louder.

Do it back to him. Louder.this is tempting, but mostly just passive-aggressive. my manners impede this as well, i'm not even sure how to be that loud without spilling all the food out of my mouth

If you worry about stepping on ants, you'll never be able to walk.

this is a delicate topic for some reason

stop trying to make tim be a jerk.

go with what future boy said.

i should just chastise his parents for raising a child with such slovenly eating habits. thankfully eating at a breakneck pace goes hand-in-hand with this open mouth business, so it's usually a short-lived chorus of lip smacks and slurps. still disgusting

i should mention that i have brought it up with him before, on several occasions, and he has acknowledged that he is indeed a very loud eater. he hasn't made any lasting effort to quiet himself though

does he suck on his fingers, too? blorf.

ugh. yes. i just avoided hanging out with him for a while because of it. can't keep that up forever though

tell him to shut the fuck up. I used to eat loud and my friend told me to shut the fuck up and now I chew with my mouth closed

yeah. i guess i should just do that. forget being tactful and conniving.

go with what future boy said.

always good advice

real friends keep it real.

tru, tru

yeah see my current roommate ate like a little piggy in college but he learned and now he eats like a civilized person. he didn't make noise but watching him eat was kind of grotesque. People can learn but you have to make fun of them for it, that's how we civilized my current roommate.

i would also mention some people can't breathe when they eat and really can't help it, my uncle was like this, he'd sit to himself in shame at thanksgiving as he oinked his way through a plate.

yeah i think that difficulty breathing may be a factor with my friend, he's riddled with allergies and sinus problems. still though. he doesn't even cover his mouth when he coughs.

yeah he's just oblivious then and he needs to be awarified. its for his own good.

gonna awarify that chump! 'sup?!

Strychnine

Is your friend overweight?

Next time he eats loudly, just politely take a massive shit on his plate and make him eat it.

Is your friend overweight?not really. maybe a little

I just ripped ass and this really attractive girl walked by me. You think she got a whiff? What should I do?

blame it on a dog. or a trash can

I just told her that I'm a smart feller and that she's a fart smeller. She laughed and laughed. Now she's choking on my baby gravy.

works every time.

i would also mention some people can't breathe when they eat and really can't help it, my uncle was like this, he'd sit to himself in shame at thanksgiving as he oinked his way through a plate.

hahaha