itt post your most ridiculous


**** **** is going to become another binge drinking statistic tonight! WAHEY!!!

**** ******* - "go to sleep early...that way there's no loneliness...only dreams"

***** ****** - the club is the sky and im on your cloud!


you get the idea. make me laugh

"alcohol abuse has not fixed any of my problems recently, I think I'll go get drunk about it, fuck you life..."

not really any funny ones right now.

............. is still drunk...still SO so drunk...ugh...work...ugh...if anybody ever offers me vodka again, I swear, I'm gonna say, "HELL YEAH, FOO'! GIMME 'DAT SHIT, YOU GOT A CHASER? Don't worry about it, it's cool. Just give me the bottle, a bucket, and a towel to wipe my mouth." No, but seriously...I'm at work wobbling around like a total jack ass.

i hate being friends with twenty somethings.

6/16/09 Officially signed up with the US Navy.

**** ******* - "go to sleep early...that way there's no loneliness...only dreams"

this one is actually a quote from the Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! I applaud this facebook status. Cuz I'm Steven Brule, owe owe owe.

One of my friends from high school is quickly turning into a depressed druggie alcoholic. His status updates are regularly "*** ****** is going to get drunk!" and two hours later "*** ****** is :("

"****** ***** is wondering how long its gonna take for the bacon to cook in the oven.... ?"

"***** ******* democracy is the worst form of government, thats why are founding fathers made this a constituanal republic, a democracy is like a 2 wolfs and a sheep discussing whats for dinner, 51% controls the other 49%. but in the real America you have GOD given rights no one can change or take from you, WAKE UP.. you are being pimped"

"**** *********** My new favorite swear-word: twatwaffle."

"***** ******* WHO OWN OUR GOVERNMENT. MAYBE THE PEOPLE WHO PRINT OUR MONEY"

"***** ******* WHY DOES THE U.S.A. BARROW MONEY FROM BANKS IF THEY HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE IT THEM SELFS? ** "THIS NOTE IS LIGALL TENDER FOR ALL DEBTS PUBLIC AND PRIVATE"

"****** ***** lives vicariously......through himself"
"****** ***** once had an awkward moment... just to see how it felt."

"***** ******* The only thing dreamers get are dreams"

"**** ********* This song makes me want to slam my head into a glass mirror or window it's so good. On top of that the video kicks my ass so hard I may no longer have an ass."

Guess which ones are from "the gay friend" and which are from "the crazy former neighbor kid"

and two others from an 18 year old who's been sober and in NA for a year and before that sold coke

David B******* Pretty sure Erich Maria Remarque is my favorite author. Having said that, I want to cover up some of my tattoos with a big Great Gatsby theme.

..... Wanna start a Bouncing Souls style punk band?

and these inspirational gems, from the same guy over the past few days

..... Life presents you with many obstacles. Some require physical strength, some require mental strength...some simply require faith.

..... can't believe it's almost time to hit that open road...and I refuse to look back until I've made it where I'm going. I guess that means I'll be looking down, because I'm aiming for the top.

6/16/09 Officially signed up with the US Navy.

Holy shit, it's Viper!

you can't spell Slaughter without Laughter

"****** ***** lives vicariously......through himself"
"****** ***** once had an awkward moment... just to see how it felt."



dos equis commercial, dont know if that makes them any better

****** ****** has just discovered that dictionary .com has an english to esperanto translator... i have never been so happy

Some women were made....But me, myself? I like to think that I was created for a special purpose! Some call it arrogant.....I call it confident!

don't want that coca money......she wants that Oprah money.......so you can keep that poker money.........cause I'm making my own money!!!! Unexpected things are happening in my life it's so scary and exciting all @ the same time.......so I'm going to suck it up and take first step even though I can't see where the next step will lead me! Come on Faith!!!!

***** ****** - the club is the sky and im on your cloud!

that's from jizz in my pants

Some women were made....But me, myself? I like to think that I was created for a special purpose! Some call it arrogant.....I call it confident!

is this person fucking serious?

COME ON FAITH!!!!

**** ******* - "go to sleep early...that way there's no loneliness...only dreams"

<img src=http://i.adultswim.com/asfix/repository/8a25c392109799c3011098b1d6f40001/thumbnail_10502.jpg>

"Cause when you're sleepin', there's no lonely times, just dreams."

this one is actually a quote from the Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! I applaud this facebook status. Cuz I'm Steven Brule, owe owe owe.

read the fucking thread next time, Slash.

is this person fucking serious?

beyoncé lyrics, it would seem.

even so, your question stands.

read the fucking thread next time, Slash.

there, there. It's okay. The picture made it better. Just don't let it happen again...

David B******* Pretty sure Erich Maria Remarque is my favorite author. Having said that, I want to cover up some of my tattoos with a big Great Gatsby theme.
:rockon:

heh

that's from jizz in my pants

yeah and it's stupid

not as stupid as your face

the lonely island is one of the starker funny-onces in recent memory

what was the once

***** ****** Hinojosa - revisiting my teenage angst

***** ****** Hinojosa - revisiting my teenage angst

good job hiding my identity

I thought about making a stupid comment on your status. I didn't.

good job hiding my identity

sorry doug. thought you might be a little sensitive about your middle name.

SEE'S CAHNGES COMING INTO HER LIFE........HER LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!!!!

good hiding my

sorry doug. thought you might be a little sensitive about your middle name.

Nah, it's all good....

I thought about making a stupid comment on your status. I didn't.

I encourage all comments. Stupid or not.

what was the once
there's a moment in the "i'm on a boat" video

hates everyone who has statuses of "Yay going outside and lakes and rivers and beers and bitches!!". I get to deriver Chinese food to people who are about to go have lakes and rivers and beers and bitches. Fail.

*** ******* - why does that thread have so many replies...=B

Facebook is a great place if you're really considering killing c-list celebrities.

I get to deriver Chinese food

Take your hate talk elsewhere, hate talker

take your hate tark ersewhere, hate tarker

this dude is a huge drama queen

speechlesss..... were ha time gone?......... the days are flying by right before my eyes and i have awoke to find that time has passed so much and i have lost so much...........

so yeah!..my dad's way better than yours!!!

Loves waking up to vodka bottles on nightstands. Chad-a-palooza was unfuckingbelievable!

Facebook is a great place if you're really considering killing c-list celebrities.

I'm glad we resolved that. Remind me to have Chicago nuked.

Mario Price is wishing Everybody, A Happy Single Mother's Awareness Day!!!!!

Take your hate talk elsewhere, hate talker

oh there are more chinese food gems from this guy. i don't even really know him, he's one of those, why are we friends on here again people

"did not have sex with anyone, so it'd be awesome if you'd stop spreading rumors, Brad."

" I am in the middle of a moving nightmare.I just found a bag of Skittles from the late 90s. I'm one day from hiring someone to do this for me."

"Friendly's is going to put chicken in your quesadilla whether you like it or not."

***** ******** ****** ******* does infact announce most of her showers on facebook. She just had a rough 8 hours of work, but loves OB just the same. Work tomorrow 5-9:30, Saturday 5-12. Class Monday morning. Yyyyyuckkkk!...oh, and she just received her Dean's List certificate (3.9 GPA thanks) from the WINTER. Great job Dr. ******.

***** I would have to say the hammock is in my top five greatest inventions ever.....though I am not sure what my other four are.

***** i love my boyfriend.

***** will be pwning n00bs all night long.

that's from jizz in my pants

i open the window and a breeze rolls in

haha. my 2nd cousin is nuts and her facebook status updates are the best to read...entertainment wise. i do feel sorry for her tho. when she writes most of the time it doesn't even make sense. here's a few:


"Well maybe or even not so long ago I would be lower cause of the Borderline disorder which is mostly about emotional stuff Borderline personality has to do with the limbic part of the brain that has the emotion functions and those with Borderline personality have a disfuctional issue with that part of the brain.Really I learned a lot on the subject."

she's a Nelson fan.
"I found out so far there are only 3 including me minnesotans that are NST members hey join it's fun and you get inside scoop on Nelson and support and promote these awesome guys it would be cool if I can get more Minnesotans to join cause they are kind of Minnesotan in a way and we can maybe work together and styff join and let me know so I can say I recruited you.go to Matthew & Gunnar Nelson - Street Team & Fan Club Page (http://www.nelsonstreetteam.com) join today"


her thoughts on gay marriage.
"You know what I feel is truly absurd is that the idea if you what to give your a wedding and marry them to another dog some churches and clergy people will perform that without no fight or campaign to do so if people wish to do that on to there pets but gay people human can speak for themselves must fight campaign to be able to get married animals can't say if they want to get married but humans can so I think it's just stupid when i hear of people having wedding for there pets and gay people have to either go to another state where it's legal or it can't be do or recognized.I say ban pet weddings!! then if every human contsenting legal wanting age wants to be married they can do so and be recognized to."

Jesus fucking Christ, didn't they teach her punctuation in elementary school?

I never posted a truer update:

Mo J. Stadler | i'm in love: www.thegothenburgaddress.com

Jesus fucking Christ, didn't they teach her punctuation in elementary school?

she's special. it's like all one long train of thought.

http://profile.ak.facebook.com/v225/50/50/n1107390164_512.jpg

is so happy! HAPPY B-DAY MELISSA LANGE, i love you! [[everyone calls you amazing, i just call you mine 6.10.2009 ♥]]

fuck

***** whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?

That's a TFLN quote.

you really blew it this time, redbull

http://i43.tinypic.com/33v2cu1.jpg

For the last few days I've been using a lot of lyrics quotes as updates. Pretty lame, but makes me feel like I'm 15 again. Sweet.

I am the Ubermensch.

... Is not defined by her thermos. i'm so over the tangible. perhaps i shall meditate under a lovely oak tomorrow.

i can't stand this girl.

my status is a smashing pumpkins lyric right now :/

was definitely his on by a dude tonight...i feel like i need to go do something manly to counteract that


DELETE!

..... Erin Andrews at the ESPY's last night...wow!!

.... Erin Andrews in her hotel room last night...wow!!

my status is a smashing pumpkins lyric right now :/
so do your parents know you're gay yet.

does he

"Want to point out that they do not spread "love" but hate, look up the organization bash back, homosexuals have an agenda period, it's taught in schools and shoved down our throats by Hollywood. They feel they are above everyone else. The issue of gay marriage is not about love at all it is about whether to recognize a union,which is the definition, along with being between a man and women and to procreate. If you give into this then it should be ok for a human to marry an animal. Like it or not this country was founded on christian values. Thank God for men that still stick with what's right! It's ok for you to say what you think but not for others that disagree. Liberalism is the ultimate hypocrisy. If you look back at our nations history when moral decay came in so did the decay of the economy."

lol who's that

hahahaha oh my god

"shoved down our throats by Hollywood"??? why are fundamentalist conservatives obsessed with that phrase? I think they secretly want penises in their throats like colonel fitz from american beauty and resort to freudian slips

"Liberalism" as the ultimate hypocrisy?? How many infants did your god dash to pieces in the bible? How easy is it for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven? Raping concubines, anyone? hahahahahahaha

GOD DAMNIT EULOGY I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS INSANE, I CANNOT EXTERNALIZE MY THOUGHTS FAST ENOUGH WHEN I SEE SHIT LIKE THIS

Simon Fletcher
My sanity has been raped and beaten for the very last time.

Four hours ago.

This was an idea for a poem.

"Politicians are fat!! And I don't like them"

"My top is like a little see through .. But oh well there is only girls on the bus ..;)"

"i hate boys, boys are assholes (yes you get the occasional amazing guy but than of course they turn out to be your best mates) i usualy would throw shoes at them but id now prefer to lay out lego pieces and hope they tread on them while ther chasing me :) laa laa laa traa laa laa laa yippidy yappidy yoo :)"

This guy I went to high school with. I knew he was kind of conservative then, but he's on another planet now.

Funny thing is I believe he and his wife of like 2 seconds are separated.

of course

i'm trying to find some embarrassing updates on mine but i'm having trouble.

i guess that's a good sign!

Lisa xxxx
Life is Challanging

that's the only bad one i can find in the past few days

Put up our tree, been jamming to my She and Him christmas album, consumed a whole pumpkin pie, woke this morning to watch old school Rudolph. This bitch is gay for the holidays!

from this morning

" People should quit trying to save the world. It's gonna be around a lot longer than us. Don't believe me? Ask the dinosaurs..."

this one from last night

http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/307552_294296773920645_100000209754076_1402566_129 2690132_n.jpg

you are friends with crappy people scotty

people are people

"WOMEN the key to finding a good man is to wait on God to send him your way & trust me when he send him you will know, so stop wasting your time trying find mr right now S/N: if God ain't sent him in your LIFE he ain't the right one!"

"Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others."

Etc etc

barf

facebook is a Jesus zone!


‎'Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.' Psalm 115:1

There's nothing like turning away from sin and running back into the arms of Jesus. Thank you Lord for your redeeming love

The only thing we've done to earn salvation is....sin


Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord; He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored; He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword; His truth is marching on. Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on.

"WOMEN the key to finding a good man is to wait on God to send him your way & trust me when he send him you will know, so stop wasting your time trying find mr right now S/N: if God ain't sent him in your LIFE he ain't the right one!"



let me just sit on my couch and eat potato skins and wait for a mate to come to me
god shall deliver me

She posts stuff like this at least 3 or 4 times a day, if not more.

From today:

"Ladies Your standards should be TOO HIGH for a "down low" relationship. #RefuseToBeAnyonesDirtyLittleSecret"

"I don't wanna date someone who would die for me. I wanna date someone who would live for me."

"God I thank you once again for the gift of life, I am truly bless to be alive today....I thank you for all you doing & done for me."

"FUCK HOLIDAYS. I dont get to spend them with my fam cuz I gotta work and I'm GLAD to be working. And to be honest everyday is a celebration. Life! I think I'm gonna have my own holiday this year on an off day with all my friends/family. Half of it will be spent doing hood rat thangz and the other half will be spent doing volunteer work, and the whole day will be crunkified funness. My b-day falls in the middle so it would be perfect.. Anyone who cant participate shall automatically be written off as "square." Time to make some planz. Stuff THAT up yo turkey homeboyy"

I am ambivalent about this status. It's good and terrible at the same time.

i like it *thumbs up*

my super geeky friend from college who i love
"Can't decide whether I'm hungover or whether my body's getting used to near-lethal (for a 'Mo) amount of sugar I've been eating of late. Strange sensation! I wonder how Dostoyevsky would describe it..."

this weird lesbian i kno
"Writing break up poems when you are still together....umm not as sweet as I thought it was. oops"

one of my childhood best friends
"looking at pictures of puppies #lonelylonelyman"

i have this dumbass who likes going on status update sprees and one day he actually fucking posted 11 straight statuses. one after the other. most of them being viral shit that isn't even funny.

i can't really unsubscribe him though because once in like 8 months he'll actually post something useful about where to get really fresh leaks of albums i desire.

pretty much the only things in my feed anymore are links

not many laffs to be had

facebook is stupid

my feed is mostly filled up with people posting shit about their kids

and jesus

http://tinyurl.com/6lhldhh

courtesy of my half-brother

You two must be very close since you refer to him as your half brother.

i've seen him maybe 3 times in the past 10 years.

"The dems and media have really not thought this through. They thought getting Cain out of the way was the best thing to do, for reasons you know! But, they may have shot them selves in the foot so to speak with Newt gaining so much support. Newt is by far the smartest man running and he knows his stuff. So as I said before, there is no contest in a debate between Obama and Newt!"

I-435 is the bestest highway in Kansas City. :)

No FACEBOOK I don't want to be friends with FURRY people...creeeeeeepy. wtf!

I-435 is the bestest highway in Kansas City. :)

Dude it really is. :smoke:

"Well no shocker there! Note:Before you complain about who did the study STOP and read it, it was not FOX!"

then he links to this article

http://tinyurl.com/7kshvmj

I never knew San Francisco was in California!!! -___-,

HAD AN AWESOME BASIC LIGHTING FINAL!!! (Now the ulcers will hopefully disappear).

lots of winners tonight

Why is it that we need a license to own a dog, to drive a car, and catch a fish, but any brainless moron with no concept of responsibility can be a parent?

...a dog?

Many places require a dog to be licensed.

Every guy at my company Christmas party has a disproportionately hot spouse/girlfriend. I feel like I'm part of some bad 90's sitcom.

sounds like you work in a lucrative industry AMIRITE FELLAS

sounds like you work in a lucrative industry AMIRITE FELLAS

nope! record corporate profits last year, yet people in every department are underpaid. i love what i'm doing, and gaining great experience so i'm pretty happy right now.

Skipping the friendship stages is ignoring the most important part of the relationship. Without it, the relationship won't make it far.

he posts motivational stuff like this all the time. i honestly think he tries to come up with them himself but they usually sound pathetic. insert random stupid chicks liking these statuses cause they think they're SO TRUE.

Like everyone, trust no one.

more serious, melodramatic bullshit update coming from someone who has no experience in life.

Caught in between staying in and playing Skyrim or actually having a social life tonight O.o

skyrim has become a hot topic on facebook in recent weeks and while i indulge in it to a certain degree, sometimes posts like this make me weary to telegraph that i play the game. one can have a social life and game as well. tongue-in-cheek, but still.

heh ^

is there a foot ball game on er something

somebody better take me to the damn Sybaris resort soon

The guacamollle reminds me of what came out my but last mnight sharty thursday

Picked out a couple party dresses for a male crossdresser today. He look like the cracked out version of slash, and smaller.

"What is this BS about taking texting off of cell phones?? The national news had something on it tonight bc 38,000 ppl have died from texting and driving! So now they r taking it completely away! It was their choice to text and drive we all have choices in life!!!!"

"If you have delusions of grandeur confined to areas of mundane competency, does that balance out to estimations of adequacy?"

you know what's nice is that all of my friends can spell and use proper grammar. I dunno why this is but i'm going to assume it reflects positively on what a motherfucking hyper genius i am.

the only person on my FB that has trouble is my cousin but it's ok he was held back a grade and he knows how to spell guacamole he just has problems with those damnable apostrophes.

pretty much every time i look at facebook i have this thread in the back of my head

i have yet to see anything post-worthy

: (

translated from german: "sometimes, in the middle of the night, i creep up to my alarm clock and yell 'HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BITCH!?!?'"

pretty much the first status that ever made me more than chuckle....

"i would rather my kids hang themselves and stuff batteries down their throughts than have any kind of contact with a psych person."

it's funny how they're pre programmed to react like that

i responded 'no you wouldn't. don't be ridiculous.'

people are stupid

also - throughts? for real?

they have <i>no concept</I> of the how the mind works

almost everyone is convinced they have proper control over their headspace, because it's how they perceive the world but they just have no fucking idea

i've stopped being angry about it and now i see the dark irony

they have <i>no concept</I> of the how the mind works

almost everyone is convinced they have proper control over their headspace, because it's how they perceive the world but they just have no fucking idea

i've stopped being angry about it and now i see the dark irony

it's definitely more of a sad than angry thing

i really don't care what they think about their headspaces but when someone assumes i also have the 'control' that they think they have we run into problems

they don't have control, nobody does

"Overheard at work #2: [deadly serious in tone and facial expression] "...well, you HAVE to respect men. Even if you don't want to. After all, a man wrote the bible."

"Overheard at work #3: [coworker A]: "Americans are spoiled brats. Growing up in Puerto Rico (side note: part of America) my mom would make my brother and I stand in a closet, without sitting, all day and would hit our hands with a hammer if we started crying." [coworker B]: "So you were abused as a child then. That's child abuse." [coworker A]: "Well, no. Not really. She would only do it, like, once a month."

they have <i>no concept</I> of the how the mind works

almost everyone is convinced they have proper control over their headspace, because it's how they perceive the world but they just have no fucking idea

i've stopped being angry about it and now i see the dark irony

:banging: :erm:

what bro

ignorance is bliss

does not play well with others

happiness is a rare trait with intelligent people

yeah i don't trust people who are positive

there's a difference between being positive and being naive though

"Overheard at work #3: [coworker A]: "Americans are spoiled brats. Growing up in Puerto Rico (side note: part of America) my mom would make my brother and I stand in a closet, without sitting, all day and would hit our hands with a hammer if we started crying." [coworker B]: "So you were abused as a child then. That's child abuse." [coworker A]: "Well, no. Not really. She would only do it, like, once a month."

well that's perfectly acceptable and the only right way to raise your children. But I suppose Americans are real crybabies about how to raise your child.

World's a tough place, son. Better start toughening up your kids from a real early age, otherwise they'll never cope.

(hey trots we were still posting fb statuses right?)

happiness is a rare trait with intelligent people

happiness is an extreme that really... how many people could define themselves as 'happy' without wanting to qualify it?

i think you can find intelligent people who are content but not until they are older and gain more wisdom.

"Overheard at work #2: [deadly serious in tone and facial expression] "...well, you HAVE to respect men. Even if you don't want to. After all, a man wrote the bible."

"Overheard at work #3: [coworker A]: "Americans are spoiled brats. Growing up in Puerto Rico (side note: part of America) my mom would make my brother and I stand in a closet, without sitting, all day and would hit our hands with a hammer if we started crying." [coworker B]: "So you were abused as a child then. That's child abuse." [coworker A]: "Well, no. Not really. She would only do it, like, once a month."

holy fuck

there's a difference between being positive and being naive though

i should have said "relentlessly positive beyond the bounds of logic" perhaps

Working all day with the real papa perl, aka the sausage king of chicago Abe furlman

Alec- ask your dad to tell you story when he got smacked up side the head w/a big bologna.

.

"I hate when people talk to me like I'm stupid. It's getting so old. Just because I don't go to school doesn't mean I'm not smart. Ima go off on some people here soon."

hahahaha "soon"

bout to