View Full Version : i dont know what to title this.


Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 08:56 PM
The question is bolded.. the rest it just background info tl;dr stuff

My mother and I have always had a very rocky relationship.. She was a drug addict for the first few years of my life.. she got clean and has been for at least 18 years now.. not sure of the exact time.. She didn't finish high school.. She had a really messed up childhood from what I hear from my aunt (my mother is not the type to play the pitty game so she minimizes it and internalizes everything still to this day).. We barely scraped by when I was younger.. Rarely food in the fridge.. but she worked doubles all week only to barely make ends meet.. you know how that goes.. She had me when she was very young.. my father bounced.. etc.


Anyway I have resentment towards her for a lot of choices she has made and other neglectful abusive crap... but I know in she loves me deeply and she tried very hard to give me and my brother a decent life.. I know that no matter what trouble I get into.. no matter what she would do whatever she could to make sure I was safe...

Soo.. She has been working as a CNA for about 15 years now.. taking care of elderly and mentally challenged people I guess.. making peanuts.. still in the same work a million hours just to barely make ends meet scenario.. She went to school for nursing a few years back and did very well.. but could not continue because she couldn't do the clinical part which is basically full-time job hours.. I have been bugging her to go back, because I don't want her to remain stuck in this cycle.. Nurses don't make bank but they do make double if not triple what she makes now.. and she has been in her field so long she does just about everything nurses do.. She is WAY over qualified for her job and her bosses have been telling her that for years.. so she started working nights, hoping to finish the clinical part during the day.. and is now finding that is even more exhausting ....

SO we had a long emotional talk the other day which stemmed from me mentioning I was worried about her current happiness and future.. and I came up with this idea: I will take 1-2 years off of school and take over almost all her bills and move in with her so she can finish school.. I really wanted to finish my undergrad as soon as possible but I planned on applying to medical school once I finish anyway so If I am going to be in school for another 234234 years, I don't see problem with sacrificing a couple years that will ultimately change her life.. Not sure yet how I am going to work this out with school ....

I guess this might be another TMI moment from me.

ATS
06-11-2009, 09:00 PM
i wouldnt add a single minute to your undergraduate career if you plan on going to med school

hnibos
06-11-2009, 09:10 PM
thats a HUGE commitment on your part, thats awesome how nice your being to your mother. thats still a big commitment. good luck

Nimrod's Son
06-11-2009, 09:14 PM
you could make some cash taking your clothes off on the internet

duovamp
06-11-2009, 09:15 PM
Do a barrel roll.

Eulogy
06-11-2009, 09:16 PM
honestly you'd be better off talking to an academic adviser of some kind who could tell you how/if it would affect your med school future, 'cause i haven't a clue (and i doubt many others here do either), but if you're willing to do that for your mother and it could work out for you and her both, it would be pretty awesome.

Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 09:16 PM
I know it is.. and I'm ready to deal with it if it means things will turn around for her.. My main concern is how I am going to go about this with school.. I need to have some meetings I guess.. see if I can work something out..

Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 09:19 PM
honestly you'd be better off talking to an academic adviser of some kind who could tell you how/if it would affect your med school future, 'cause i haven't a clue (and i doubt many others here do either), but if you're willing to do that for your mother and it could work out for you and her both, it would be pretty awesome.


yeah that's what I mean.. how bad is it going to hurt my chances of getting in.. maybe if I adopt an orphaned refugee while im doing it they'll let it slide..

slunken
06-11-2009, 09:20 PM
if finishing your undergrad is less than 1-2 years do that first. if it's not, then help your ma. just my 2 cents.

Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 09:22 PM
She's getting old though.. I'm young and vibrant I have time..

Eulogy
06-11-2009, 09:25 PM
yeah i dunno. if she's old enough for 1-2 years to be too long of a wait, it's probably not worth doing in the first place, y'know?

well whatever, at least now you have people telling you to explore the option.

slunken
06-11-2009, 09:25 PM
that's what i mean, if you're almost done with undergrad go ahead and finish it to get it over with, but if not, help her. if she's waited all this time, a little longer won't hurt. and if you've just started w/ undergrad, stalling won't hurt you that much.

28if
06-11-2009, 09:30 PM
So uh, how far are you in your undergrad?

Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 09:45 PM
yeah i dunno. if she's old enough for 1-2 years to be too long of a wait, it's probably not worth doing in the first place, y'know?

well whatever, at least now you have people telling you to explore the option.

haha no she's not that old still young for a parent of someone my age.. just older than me ... I feel like the sooner it happens for her the better..

I was thinking of maybe working it so that I make up the semesters I miss over the summer so I still finish around the same time, it will be hard work but I have always been good at that.. I guess just need to meet with an advisor and then talk to an advisors at a couple of the schools I was going to apply to and see what options I am going to be left with realistically.. ..

Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 09:46 PM
So uh, how far are you in your undergrad?

2.5 years ..

SlingeroGuitaro
06-11-2009, 10:52 PM
i thought this thread would have boobs

Joe
06-11-2009, 11:15 PM
if anyone knows what it means to take care of a fucked up parent it's me.

i just moved back to my mom's house, because she is 74 years old and needs someone to look after her, and neither my bro or sis, sould be bothered, because everyone in the family hates my moms.

the deal is, i was living in calf, rocking when my parents came to visit me, and my dad made me promise to take care of her before she died, so even tho she is not the best mother in the world she is still my mom, and everyone says family first right?

in my case i had to move my life to another coast, and i never went back to school, doing this ends up being a full time job.

so i guess my advice to you is this, yes she is you mom, bbut you have to think, what hapenes if this becomes for a lot longer than just a year or two, and you end up being back with her indefinatly? it that a risk your willing to take?

i personally do not regret comming back to watch out for my mom, but then again i am ok with being a loser. and if you really think you have what it takes to finish med school i would say dont stop. with finincial aid and all of this, you can still work a full time job, help out your mom, and continue your way to become a doctor.

i guess i'm rambling now, i hope something i said mayhap has helped you in some way.

and i wish you the best of luck whatever you decide

Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 11:26 PM
one thing i can't do is everything.. no ways i could pay my bills, hers, work full-time + AND go to school.. my classes are going to get more and more difficult and i will need time to dedicate to studying .. it's difficult now as it is..

you're post made me have flashes of myself taking care of my mom at age 70.. =/

I'm just going to have a talk with her and make sure she is serious and focused about this if I do it.. but I thought about it a lot and I'm going to try to find a way to work it..

Brute Squad
06-11-2009, 11:27 PM
it's already been said, but you need to talk to a, if not several, academic advisers about this. the main concern you have, academically speaking, should be whether or not this will impact your chances of getting into medical school. you can always go back and finish undergrad, but med school's another thing...

either way, tough decision.

TuralyonW3
06-11-2009, 11:31 PM
the bold part is still tl, dr for me

Gossamer
06-11-2009, 11:39 PM
Here's what you should do imo.

Finish your undergrad completely, then take one year to collect yourself and pay your moms bills. During that time you should be studying hard for your MCATs whenever you get the chance and you aren't working and then after that year or 2 years you should not only be fully prepared for applying for med schools and your MCAT's, but your mom will be done with her nurses training.

ALSO what are your loans like?
Just remember that if you take a semester off you're probably going to have to start paying most of them back after 6 months.

Good luck.

Gossamer
06-11-2009, 11:41 PM
You really should make sure your mom is serious about this though before you make such a huge commitment.

A lot of my friends that are applying for med school just got their bachelors a month ago, an are taking the year off to study, intern at hospitals, and do better on their MCATs so they can get into better schools.

So I mean, I think it would be possible for you to do and not throw you too far off course.

Joe
06-11-2009, 11:43 PM
you can always im me if you want to discuss this any more.

Sarcastic Smile
06-11-2009, 11:59 PM
Here's what you should do imo.

Finish your undergrad completely, then take one year to collect yourself and pay your moms bills. During that time you should be studying hard for your MCATs whenever you get the chance and you aren't working and then after that year or 2 years you should not only be fully prepared for applying for med schools and your MCAT's, but your mom will be done with her nurses training.

ALSO what are your loans like?
Just remember that if you take a semester off you're probably going to have to start paying most of them back after 6 months.

Good luck.

I don't have any.. I got scholarship, financial aid, and i paid the balance from working my ass off.. .. i tried to do this b/c i will be taking out a house worth of loan if i get in.. i like your idea.. just need to talk to schools i guess.. i have time to figure it out.. she missed this coming years sign up deadline so she will need to apply next spring for fall 2010..

Gossamer
06-12-2009, 12:00 AM
ah so that works out well for you then with my plan.

Gossamer
06-12-2009, 12:01 AM
MY PLAN WAS AWESOME GUYS DID YOU HEAR THAT?

Gossamer
06-12-2009, 12:03 AM
I'm in the process of trying to get some scholarship money for grad school.

I mean I think I deserve some cash for graduating cum laude.

Sarcastic Smile
06-12-2009, 12:05 AM
yeah... thanks:erm:

Sarcastic Smile
06-12-2009, 12:07 AM
I'm in the process of trying to get some scholarship money for grad school.

I mean I think I deserve some cash for graduating cum laude.

there are all types of bizarre scholarships out there .. had my hard drive not crashed i would send you links.. but just search..

Gossamer
06-12-2009, 12:17 AM
yeah I need to hit up some greek-american ones ASAP.

Shallowed
06-12-2009, 02:36 AM
There are a lot of ellipses in this thread.........

Starla
06-12-2009, 04:52 AM
I think it's very generous and good that you want to put your life on hold for your mom despite the past.

Cool As Ice Cream
06-12-2009, 05:58 AM
The question is bolded.. the rest it just background info tl;dr stuff

that was very poorly executed. first of all, there is no question. and the bold text is also tl;dr. and if you only read the bold text, you have no idea what is being talked about. a certain "she" is mentioned, but that's it.