View Full Version : Man Uses Live Swan to Beat up Victim

The Jesus
05-29-2009, 05:57 AM
A man grabbed a live swan by the neck and used it as a weapon to attack his opponent during an altercation by the bank of a river in Munich. Thankfully, the swan escaped unhurt.

A man who grabbed a live swan by the neck and used the bird as a club to beat up another man has been sentenced by a court in Munich, local media reported on Wednesday.

The swan survived the attack unhurt and flew off afterwards. The assailant, named only as Sebastian P., was drunk at the time and was given a two-year suspended sentence.

He and a friend had been drinking on the bank of the river Isar in Munich when they spotted Steven L., a tourist from the eastern German state of Brandenburg, and chose to take offense at the man's eastern accent.

They hurled abuse at him, shouting: "Piss off you eastern pig, they should rebuild the Wall right up to the sky because of you."

After they had finished using the swan to hit the easterner, they went on to hurl bottles and even a barbecue filled with red-hot coals at their victim, who managed to escape with minor injuries.

Animal Cruelty: Man Uses Live Swan to Beat up Victim - SPIEGEL ONLINE - News - International (,1518,627139,00.html)

I'd have thought that a swan would be quite unwieldly. If it was me I'd have been on the lookout for a Mallard duck, or maybe a large Coot.

05-29-2009, 06:25 AM
not so pure anymore, swan, eh?

05-29-2009, 07:23 AM
Ah, drunk Bavarians..

05-29-2009, 07:31 AM

05-29-2009, 07:58 AM

05-29-2009, 08:49 AM
I wouldn't think that getting hit with a swan would hurt, really...

I'm shocked that they didn't just bust out laughing afterwards.

"dude, fuck you!!"

*man picks up swan*

"what the fuck are you doing with that swan?!"

*swings swan*

"did you just hit me with a fucking swaaan??!!"

*laughter ensues*

05-29-2009, 08:58 AM
a swan is a filthy animal

05-29-2009, 09:25 AM
- Can you describe it to me?
- It's about, uh, two foot tall. Um, long slender neck.
- Yeah.
- Kind of orange and black bill.
- Anything else?
- Well... it's a swan.

05-29-2009, 09:37 AM
I don't think I'd swant to get in a fight with that guy

05-29-2009, 10:01 AM
just plain fowl

05-29-2009, 10:06 AM
can't he see that this type of behavior just isn't going to fly?

05-29-2009, 10:10 AM
mustve not swung really hard. id imagine the neck would have broke with one good hit.

also, would his sentence have been worse if the swan died?

publius clodius
05-29-2009, 10:15 AM
reminds me of

stripcreator : SeanCasey : Eyesbomb's Trip to America (

agenda suicide
05-29-2009, 12:54 PM
I wouldn't think that getting hit with a swan would hurt, really...

swans are pretty big. I can imagine it hurting if you were hit with enough force.

05-29-2009, 01:08 PM
Apparently they can break a man's arm.

05-29-2009, 02:04 PM
well this is badass

05-29-2009, 02:04 PM
We need an MS Paint re-creation of this scene...

05-29-2009, 02:09 PM
I'm already jaded. I want someone to use an elephant as a weapon, and after that a blue whale.

05-29-2009, 02:43 PM
that guy is a pain in the neck

that is fucking hardcore tho

agenda suicide
05-29-2009, 05:18 PM
I love how no one has mentioned that bottles and a grill with hot coals in it were thrown at the man too.

05-29-2009, 05:32 PM
just plain fowl

Thread winner right here.

05-29-2009, 07:51 PM
<a href="" title="BillyMadison by rickpat12, on Flickr"><img src="" width="427" height="300" alt="BillyMadison" /></a>

05-29-2009, 08:08 PM
fan uses live zwan to beat up victim

05-30-2009, 01:45 AM
We need an MS Paint re-creation of this scene...

05-30-2009, 01:54 AM
You really have too much time on your hands, don't you?

05-30-2009, 01:54 AM
That's not too shabby man

05-30-2009, 02:06 AM
nice paint, but like... doesn't give me much I don't already know.

05-30-2009, 02:44 AM
You guys can't appreciate TR00 ART.

publius clodius
05-30-2009, 04:59 AM
really tho, this thread should be about discrimination of east germans

publius clodius
05-30-2009, 05:49 AM
would you think it's funny if a white guy beat up a black guy for being a black guy, swan or not

05-30-2009, 08:01 AM
How often do you hear about east/west german tension? Such a stupid situation.

agenda suicide
05-30-2009, 11:50 AM
Some guards at the wall thought someone was trying to sneak out of east berlin when my parents and sister were visiting from frankfurt. They were on a tour that went on the other side of the wall. I'm not sure exactly how the story goes, but it involved and angry german yelling at people on the tour bus to see their tickets. When they saw my sister, who was a baby, they realized this was the extra person they counted and finally calmed down. Angry east germans in the mid 80s sound scary.

05-30-2009, 12:03 PM
This was the swan

publius clodius
05-31-2009, 09:20 AM
How often do you hear about east/west german tension?
not often enough outside of germany, apparently

05-31-2009, 09:35 AM
Is Bavaria even a part of Germany?

publius clodius
05-31-2009, 10:18 AM
Instant Rimshot (