View Full Version : funny simpsons quotes


PaRaVeX
02-07-2002, 06:02 PM
CHEIF: Your off the case McGarnagle.

McGARNAGLE: No, Your off YOUR case!

CHIEF: What does that mean exactly?

HOMER: It means he gets results you stupid chief!

LISA: Dad, sit down.

FearFactory
02-07-2002, 06:10 PM
<font color="orange">There's no such thing as a funny Simpsons quote. That show is horrible!
</font>
<font color="red">

------------------
http://raversaregay.homestead.com/files/USA.gif
Put on the mask and dance for daddy!

melancholia
02-07-2002, 06:10 PM
...god bless those pagans...

PhantomFM
02-07-2002, 06:16 PM
ppl always talk about funny simpsons quotes, and though I've watched at least 75% of the episodes, I can never think of any when this comes up

------------------
PhantomFM (http://www.unc.edu/~lawsonb)

funnygeezus
02-07-2002, 06:37 PM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by PhantomFM:
ppl always talk about funny simpsons quotes, and though I've watched at least 75% of the episodes, I can never think of any when this comes up

</font>

<font color=#ffb85c>ditto, but i've only got 3 or 4 episodes that i haven't seen, and those are all episodes from last season or this season that i missed the first time around and haven't been rerun yet. but when quote time comes around i draw a blank.

but because i watched an episode of the simpsons only 3 hours ago i've got some now:

"Impaled on my Nobel Peace Prize, how ironic." - lisa

"My boy's a box! DAMN YOU! A BOX!!!" - homer

PhantomFM
02-07-2002, 06:46 PM
the last line from the rerun yesterday when everyone thinks lisa's dead when the tree gets struck by lightening, and the lisa pole ravages through town and on across America...

"hey look, it's going out to seeeea"

They had a Simpsons trivia contest here- winner got their likeness drawn by matt g. ppl really studied for that!

------------------
PhantomFM (http://www.unc.edu/~lawsonb)

placebo*halo
02-07-2002, 06:48 PM
Marge: Have you noticed something about Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No. It seems like something could be troubling him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I want to get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: Admit it Marge, it was.

hereisnowhy
02-07-2002, 06:58 PM
Sign in the First Quick-E-Mart on a mountaintop in India: "The Great Master Knows All - except combination to safe."

James is Cool
02-07-2002, 07:12 PM
"Hey! Is that a camera?"

"No. Go back to sleep."

------------------
I think you're one hundred times as good.

nevermind
02-07-2002, 07:20 PM
marge - im going to the store what would you like for dinner?

homer - steak?

marge - hmm..moneys too tight for steak

homer - steak?

nevermind
02-07-2002, 07:21 PM
marge - you listen to you're freinds but you never listen to me

homer - hey thats greaaaat

meow
02-07-2002, 07:22 PM
Bill Cosby: Now what do you like?

Kid: POKEMON!

Bill Cosby: You got your Pokey and Your Mon and your Pokemon?

or something

nevermind
02-07-2002, 07:25 PM
sideshow bob - bart...you...you saved my life

bart - yea....i did. heh, i guess this means you cant try to kill me anymore

sideshow bob - *evil grin* ohhhh i dont know about that

bart - *gasps*

sideshow bob - im kidding! im kidding!!

gordielachance
02-07-2002, 07:28 PM
i post this one every time:

lisa: mom, dad threw his beer can at the miracle gro guy on tv again.

------------------
---a pile of shit has a thousand eyes---

nevermind
02-07-2002, 07:31 PM
duffman - H2OOOOHHHH yea!!! gotta get rid of the brown spots!

duffman - OHHH!!!! duffman, cant breathe!

strange_one
02-07-2002, 09:01 PM
<font color=FF00FF> old man jasper - "you sunk my battleship"

http://www.netphoria.org/wwwboard/biggrin.gif



------------------
http://www.lilli.clara.net/freesaver/thumbs/iron.jpg
Your Time Will Come

Random Female
02-07-2002, 09:07 PM
paraphrased:
Lionel Hutz: He's just pissed off because i accidentally ran over his dog once.
Some guy: really??
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace accidently with "on purpose" and "once" with "repeatedly."

And just about anythign duffman says is comedy gold.

Oskar 44
02-07-2002, 09:21 PM
[QUOTE] There's no such thing as a funny Simpsons quote. That show is horrible! [/QOUTE]

God now hates you.

Cactuar
02-07-2002, 09:33 PM
Homer : OH.. MY.. GOD! Lisa is dead!! Unless....
Lisa : No Dad, I'm right here!
Homer : Woo! Lisa is alive! Unless....

Nate the Grate
02-07-2002, 09:35 PM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by Random Female:
paraphrased:
Lionel Hutz: He's just pissed off because i accidentally ran over his dog once.
Some guy: really??
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace accidently with "on purpose" and "once" with "repeatedly."

And just about anythign duffman says is comedy gold.</font>

uh...I know you said you paraphrased...but that's still not too close. (you forgot the funniest part!)

bonsor
02-07-2002, 09:39 PM
Lisa: Dad, someone is here to see you
Homer: Is it Batman?
Lisa: No, it's a scientist
Homer: Batman's a scientist
Lisa: It's not batman!

nevermind
02-07-2002, 09:42 PM
burns - it doesnt take a wizz to know that...you're looking out for number 1.

homer - uhm...can i use the bathroom?

burns - ah yes, 23rd door to the right

*10 minutes later*

homer - ahhhhhhh....

burns - did you find the bathroom ok?

homer - uhm....yyyyyea...

ZERO
02-07-2002, 11:05 PM
pepi: papa homer, you are so learn-ed.
homer: learned, it's learned.
pepi: i love you papa homer!
homer: i love you too pepsi.
pepi: pepi.
homer: pepi!

[This message has been edited by ZERO (edited 02-07-2002).]

smiling politely
02-07-2002, 11:16 PM
-Homer reads Krusty's ad for a free trampoline in the paper

"OH MY GOD! TRAMAPOLINE!!! TROMBOPOLINE!!!!!"

and he runs out.

It's pure hilarity, I tell you.

strange_one
02-07-2002, 11:25 PM
<font color=FF00FF> also that time when santa's little helper says 'chewy' when homer is writing an article. funny shit

------------------
http://www.lilli.clara.net/freesaver/thumbs/iron.jpg
Your Time Will Come

ZERO
02-07-2002, 11:38 PM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by smiling politely:
-Homer reads Krusty's ad for a free trampoline in the paper

"OH MY GOD! TRAMAPOLINE!!! TROMBOPOLINE!!!!!"

and he runs out.

It's pure hilarity, I tell you.</font>

drives.. "oh no you don't, it's mine!"
runs other car over the curb.

spava
02-07-2002, 11:49 PM
<font color=crimson>*upon returning home after grocery shopping*

Marge: "We're home!"

Lisa: "We got beets!"
<font color=black>

[This message has been edited by spava (edited 02-07-2002).]

nevermind
02-08-2002, 12:03 AM
homer - hello, im mr burns, i believe you have a package for me

P.O. guy - ok mr burns, whats your first name?

homer - i...dont..know..

Toldi
02-08-2002, 12:09 AM
Moe:God, I'm gonna die and I never tasted cantaloupe!

Krusty:Eh, you're not missing much. Honeydoo is the money melon

spava
02-08-2002, 12:17 AM
<font color=crimson>Snake: "She needs premium, dude!


PREEMIUUM!


<font color=black>.
.
.
.
.


<font color=crimson>

DUDE!!"

wangcomputers
02-08-2002, 12:36 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by spava:
<font color=crimson>Snake: "She needs premium, dude!


PREEMIUUM!


<font color=black>.
.
.
.
.


<font color=crimson>

DUDE!!"</font>
</font></font>
my friend's been quoting that a lot to me recently. http://www.netphoria.org/wwwboard/biggrin.gif

(computer)pierce brosnan: that's some wife you have homer..
homer: yeah, she's cool
(computer)pierce brosnan: you're a lucky man
homer: yeah she's married till death do us part.. So if I should die, she'd be single. For man OR machine!
[homer leaves]
(computer)pierce brosnan: heh-heh, machine eh..?
[homer returns]
homer: yeah, machine!<font color=black>

[This message has been edited by wangcomputers (edited 02-08-2002).]

Mathboy
02-08-2002, 01:14 AM
Seacaptain: Yarrr! We've only got a few days to deliver our precious cargo.

Sailor: You mean the hot pants sir?

Seacaptain: Yarr. The hot pants.

The Maverick
02-08-2002, 02:08 AM
SACRA-LISCIOUS!!

lies make baby jesus cry

also any and all ralph quotes.

j o e

------------------
::stumbles in drunkenly::
Hey everybody, where did Mary go?
Where did Mary go?
And where's my only cigarette? Please think for me, I can't bear to...
I'll just lie here for a while, Wet myself, wet my bed-- I've readied it all for her, you know Clean sheets, incense, and lots of fluffy pillows-- Now soiled....
And where's my cigarette? Did you check the bathroom?... The bathtub?... She sleeps there sometimes.... Water cleanses, you know, washes dirt away, makes new.... Maybe she... maybe she... maybe she... maybe... Maybe she swam away....
::exits drunkenly::

dancl
02-08-2002, 03:38 AM
Snake(on electric chair getting fried):

Dude, we've been here all morning. Can we at least re-moisten my head sponge?

Satanstick
02-08-2002, 04:42 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by dancl:
Snake(on electric chair getting fried):

Dude, we've been here all morning. Can we at least re-moisten my head sponge?</font>

[hurricane lifts electric chair in the air]
snake: so long, suckers!
audience: boo!
[snake gets carried into power cables]
audience: yay!

MayonaiseOfTheGraySkies
02-08-2002, 04:46 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by smiling politely:
-Homer reads Krusty's ad for a free trampoline in the paper

"OH MY GOD! [b]TRAMAPOLINE!!! TROMBOPOLINE!!!!!"

and he runs out.
/B]</font>

one of the best simpsons gags ever.

also,
dr. nick-calm down, you're going to give yourself skin failure.

Joe, um, I must've, like, fallen on a bullet and it, like, drove itself into my gut.-snake

apu upon manjula waking him up:
"oh, i had the most wonderful dream where i died."
also, anytime apu says 'shut up, shut up, i can't believe you don't shut up!"


homer: "oh no! this can't be happening! what the hell are we going to do with 10,00 angel ashtrays?"
bart: "i could take up smoking"
homer: "you damn well better!'

and there's oh so many more.

expelledfromparadise
02-08-2002, 04:55 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by meow:
Bill Cosby: Now what do you like?

Kid: POKEMON!

Bill Cosby: You got your Pokey and Your Mon and your Pokemon?

or something</font>

yes i laughed about that for days...

expelledfromparadise
02-08-2002, 04:59 AM
the best one is
"The ozone layers just pretend like the tooth fairy and leprachauns" -homer

expelledfromparadise
02-08-2002, 05:07 AM
oh no thats wrong it
somethings just pretend just like leprachauns and the tooth fairy and the ozone layer.. i dunno its funny though

Satanstick
02-08-2002, 05:43 AM
http://www.piksandcrap.homestead.com/files/bart.gif

Cactuar
02-08-2002, 05:44 AM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Originally posted by Satanstick:
http://www.piksandcrap.homestead.com/files/bart.gif </font>

SIMPSONS CARTOON STUDIO =-o

Enderby
02-13-2002, 10:05 PM
<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="2">Posted by somebody:
CHEIF: Your off the case McGarnagle.
McGARNAGLE: No, Your off YOUR case!

CHIEF: What does that mean exactly?

HOMER: It means he gets results you stupid chief!

LISA: Dad, sit down. </font>

CHIEF: You busted up that crack house pretty bad McGarnagle! Did you really have to break that much furniture?

MCGARNAGLE: You tell me Chief. You had a pretty good view from behind your desk.

Clint Eastwood was crying when he heard that parody.