View Full Version : Scientology makes the most sense to me as a religion and here is why:


Warsaw
05-03-2007, 05:37 PM
http://www.xenu.net/archive/leaflet/Xenu.jpg

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).


These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

That is the end of the story. And so today everyone is full of these clusters of souls called "body thetans". And if we are to be a free soul then we have to remove all these "body thetans" and pay lots of money to do so. And the only reason people believe in God and Christ was because it was in the film their body thetans saw 75 million years ago.

Well what did you think of that story?

What? You thought it was a stupid story?

Well so do we. However, this story is the core belief in the religion known as Scientology.* If people knew about this story then most people would never get involved in it. This story is told to you when you reach one of their secret levels called OT III. After that you are supposed to telepathically communicate with these body thetans to make them go away. You have to pay a lot of money to get to this level and do this (or you have to work very hard for the organisation on extremely low pay for many years).

We are telling you this story as a warning. If you become involved with Scientology then we would like you to do so with your eyes open and fully aware of the sort of material it contains.

Most of the Scientologists who work in their Dianetics* centres and so called "Churches" of Scientology do not know this story since they are not allowed to hear it until they reach the secret "upper" levels of Scientology. It may take them many years before they reach this level if they ever do. The ones who do know it are forced to keep it a secret and not tell it to those people who are joining Scientology.

DeviousJ
05-03-2007, 06:07 PM
Yes

???
05-03-2007, 06:12 PM
this is all part of xenu's plan. xenu knew that anyone would have to be really fucking stupid to believe a story like that, so he'll have a much easier time choosing people to massacre next time he decides to blow shit up. smart guy, that xenu.

sleeper
05-03-2007, 06:16 PM
again, we laugh at this, sure, and we laugh at zeus and thor and all of the various sun gods being appeased with dead goats or whatevert, but the equally insane dogma of christianity gets a free pass.

i can imagine the people of the future rolling aroud on the floor hysterically laughing while one of their friends acts out the resurrection or some shit. todays ultimate truth is tomorrows comedy.

Warsaw
05-03-2007, 06:17 PM
Whole Track Security Check

This long Scientology Security Check, consisting of three hundred and forty-three questions, takes stock of the subject's space opera experiences on the whole time track, including all their past lives. It *******s questions such as:

Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
Have you ever disappeared?
Have you ever killed your own body?
Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?
Have you ever zapped anyone?
Have you ever implanted anyone?
Have you ever eaten a human body?
Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

:rofl:

Warsaw
05-03-2007, 06:19 PM
again, we laugh at this, sure, and we laugh at zeus and thor and all of the various sun gods being appeased with dead goats or whatevert, but the equally insane dogma of christianity gets a free pass.

i can imagine the people of the future rolling aroud on the floor hysterically laughing while one of their friends acts out the resurrection or some shit

I don't hand out any free passes my friend.

ravenguy2000
05-03-2007, 06:27 PM
Have you ever eaten a human body?


:smoke:

smurfing
05-03-2007, 06:28 PM
again, we laugh at this, sure, and we laugh at zeus and thor and all of the various sun gods being appeased with dead goats or whatevert, but the equally insane dogma of christianity gets a free pass.

who laughs at zeus?

MusicMan4
05-03-2007, 06:29 PM
Thanks for bringing this to our attention Warsaw. I can't believe how ridiculous scientology is. This Xenu thing is just silly...omg. To think I actually thought Tom Cruise was making some sense...

Warsaw
05-03-2007, 06:34 PM
Here is a letter written by L. Ron Hubbard, begging for psychiatric help from the VA. This is the same man who preached about psychiatry and psychiatric drugs being evil.

http://www.clambake.org/archive/ronthenut/beg2.gif

MusicMan4
05-03-2007, 06:36 PM
Jeez and hypocrisy on top of the ridiculous backstory...I thought I had seen it all in religion but I guess not

Warsaw
05-03-2007, 06:43 PM
"I would say that 99 per cent of what my father has written about his own life is false." --- L. Ron Hubbard Jr.

"Somebody sits up on Venus -- there are probably some other stations around up in the system. This one's on Venus. I notice that we all believe that Venus has a methane atmosphere and is unlivable. I almost got run down by a freight locomotive the other day -- didn't look very uncivilized to me. I'm allergic to freight locomotives, they're always running into you." -- L. Ron Hubbard.

This website has everything you could ever want to know about L. Ron Hubbard and his UFO cult: http://www.clambake.org/

Warsaw
05-03-2007, 06:48 PM
Jeez and hypocrisy on top of the ridiculous backstory...I thought I had seen it all in religion but I guess not

:D

null123
05-03-2007, 07:24 PM
I actually talked for a while to this girl at a Scientologist booth at the Saturday Market cause she happened to go to my school. it sounds really normal when they tell you about it, almost to the point of being totally useless. the booklet she gave me said stuff like "wash your hands regularly" and "don't abuse drugs". they used the e-meter on my friend right then and there though. I guess they need you to tell them personal things about yourself early on so they can control you if you try to leave. the girl was nice but this other guy with the e-meter was creepy and manipulative. I feel bad for people who get trapped in all that.

spguitar
05-03-2007, 07:27 PM
http://bigpicture.typepad.com/writing/images/05secret_scientologist_xenu_story21.jpg

http://www.losanjealous.com/img/xenusouthpark.jpg

Warsaw
05-03-2007, 07:40 PM
Here is the download link for the South Park scientology episode.

Avi:

http://www.hedning.no/humor/southpark/southpark_S09E12.avi

Realplayer format:

http://www.clambake.org/SPEpisode912_-_Trapped_in_the_Closet_-_irc.tveps.net.rm

tcm
05-04-2007, 12:30 AM
who laughs at zeus?
more importantly, who the hell laughs at Thor?

Ever
05-04-2007, 02:48 AM
YOU DARE STRIKE THE SON OF ODIN!?

bloop
05-04-2007, 05:39 AM
I remember Thor is played for laughs a bit in the Sandman series of comic books. He's a bit oafish next to Loki, you know.