View Full Version : hahahaha....church of the SUBgenius!


pyramidsonmars
01-04-2006, 11:53 AM
(I-Newswire) - UFO CULT GATHERS IN NEW YORK FOR APOCALYPSE

CLEVELAND, Ohio, January 2, 2006: The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Wednesday, July 5, 2006. In preparation for the fulfillment of this doomsday prophecy, the Church is requesting that all of its members participate in a bizarre religious ceremony taking place in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse.

Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.

The Church is inviting all of its members worldwide to gather together for the final hours in Sherman, New York from Thursday, June 29 to July 5, at a clothing-optional outdoor campground called Brushwood Folklore Center. The first gathering at this compound took place in 1996, and the event has increased in size and participants each following year. 1998 was designated the first true "X-Day," and each successive year has added one to the total. This year's celebration in 2006 is X-Day 9, or X-Day IX.

The Church has been engaged in a massive recruitment campaign to increase the numbers of its membership before the arrival of the Xists. According to Church records, the organization currently has approximately 100,000 members worldwide. SubGenius recruitment has been especially dedicated among the ranks of people who refuse to conform to the norms of society, including disbelievers, blasphemers, pranksters, rebels, hackers, pornographers, geeks, and outcasts.

The Church is seeking performers and producers from the adult entertainment industry in particular, because sexual freedom has been an important part of Church doctrine from the start. X-Day will be a celebration of pornography and adult entertainment, and certain parts of the event will be restricted to adults only. Only ordained ministers of the Church of the SubGenius are allowed at the event, but the Church is accepting memberships at its standard rate of $30 up until the final hours of July 4.

The Church of the SubGenius has been no stranger to controversy since its foundation, and the upcoming X-Day celebration promises to be no different. In the late 1980s, members of the Church were accused of spreading a virus in Macintosh computers known as the "Peace Virus."

Mo
01-04-2006, 12:10 PM
what a lame thing. duh.

DeviousJ
01-04-2006, 12:26 PM
So some dude's throwing a party?

ammy
01-04-2006, 02:55 PM
dan has thier book thing.

it's really funny. i thought it was all started out as a joke...?

13
01-06-2006, 10:38 PM
Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Slack is not slack

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Slack's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within its bending sickle's compass come:

Slack alters not with its brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no slack ever slacked.